Category Archives: Reflections on Life

Family Is Everything

Leave a reply

Hope you all had opportunity to spend Christmas with loved ones. In my opinion, family time is more priceless than any gift you could purchase.

As I prepare to celebrate the big 6-0, I’d urge you to choose family time over work whenever possible. I’m so thankful my sons live close to us and we can see them often, but I have to be intentional about visiting more extended family members.

My siblings live away from me so whenever we can get together, we celebrate and love on each other. We take selfies together. We laugh. We joke. We tell stories. We choose family.

Mary and her three sons

I’m sitting in my mother-in-law’s living room, watching her caregiver comb Mary’s hair and help her with her coat. Mary doesn’t remember me anymore. But I remember the unconditional love and support she’s given me for over 30 years. My brothers-in-law and their families are heroes in my eyes. They choose family every single day. Even when those days are really hard.

So, before distance or regrets or health issues make the choices hard, choose family.

My family

Niece and two brothers

My nieces and nephews

My brother, sister-in-law, and niece

Grateful Every Day

Leave a reply

Merry Christmas!

I hope you are able to celebrate this wonderful holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus.

You may be surrounded by family or alone today. You may be suffering with sickness or watching someone you love going through the ravages of a disease. You may be sitting in the midst of a wrapping paper mountain or didn’t have enough money for even one gift.

Jesus is your answer. Rich or poor, Jesus came for all of us. Those surrounded by loving family & those homeless and destitute of love. Those suffering & those watching someone we love suffering. Those grieving. Those anxious & depressed. Those who have all money can buy, yet ache with loneliness and despair. Jesus loves you.

Allow Jesus to heal your heart today. Allow His perfect peace to flood your soul. He may not change every circumstance, but He’ll be with you in the midst of it. Call out to Him – He is there to meet you. He wants you at His birthday party!

Holiday Flexibility

Leave a reply

Short post today. It’s Christmas Eve, after all, and I have a lot to do. Cleaning, cooking, baking, candlelight service, checking my list again (just like Santa)…but most importantly, preparing for Christmas Day.

I hate when I allow my schedule to dictate my joy level. So I’m intentionally choosing rest (I took a 15 minute nap on the couch last night about 7:30), and peace and the love of Jesus. Tonight we’ll have the slow-cooker filled with soup and keep the light on for anyone who stops by…for a few minutes or longer. Because I want to make sure there’s always room in my inn.

As a pastor’s family, we didn’t have a lot of annual traditions. Things always depended on weather and where Christmas fell during the week. We spent A LOT of Christmas Days on the road between our two extended families in northern and southern Illinois. Do you know that most places are closed on Christmas Day? (sarcasm) Ate a few cold truck stop sandwiches through the years. Drove through heavy snowstorms and over black ice a time or two – all because we wanted to see our families over the holidays.

So this is what I’ve learned (you know I’d get to it, right?) – be flexible. Don’t set your schedule in stone tablets, never to change no matter the circumstances. Don’t expect your adult children to always adhere to your annual traditions. Remember the most important thing isn’t the actual day you celebrate – it’s the reason you celebrate. The family you hold dear are no less precious on December 26th. or January 5th. or March 29th. Allow your family to celebrate the best way they can and maybe that means getting together later or earlier or next weekend. Or celebrating more than once. (yay!!)

Since my boys are now married, we’ve learned to adjust to what works best for all of them. Don and I are so thankful our own schedules allow us to accommodate what works best for everyone. We’ve “taken turns” on holiday get-togethers. We’ve opened gifts a few days early so our kids can be out of town on Christmas Day. We all communicate our expectations so when we do gather together, there is less stress and more joy. I’m blessed with amazing extended families, in-laws, and now “joined by marriage” families. We are thankful for the love they show year round, not just at Christmas time.

May your family find that happy balance of tradition and flexibility that brings light and life to all your celebrations.

12242017_Luke2-10

Picture courtesy of incourage.me – blog post December 24, 2020

Music is a Love Language

Leave a reply

The next chapter in the ongoing saga of “Kris turning 60” – aren’t you glad there is an end to all of this? Me too.

Music. Make it a part of your life.

Music is a unifier. When you can’t understand the speaking language of your child, try listening to the musical language they are speaking (or at least listening to). Try to find common ground in the bass and treble clef, even if it wouldn’t be your personal choice. See a concert together. Watch one together on YouTube. Discover a new artist you both enjoy. Talk about the latest song or the upcoming concert tour. Play music in your house, in your car, on your phone. Instead of closing doors when the music goes on, open them up. Ask questions. Watch how your kids respond to you enjoying “their music.” Dance together in the kitchen…or better yet, embarrass them by dancing with their friends in the kitchen!

If your kids express an interest, help them learn an instrument. Piano and guitar lessons can be pretty affordable. It doesn’t have to be a band instrument, even a little ukulele with some YouTube instructional videos would be fun. Both Don and I played instruments when we were younger (wayyy younger), though neither one of us do so now. We have a variety of instruments in our basement, due mostly to our children, but there is one really nice acoustic guitar that I own and I swear, someday I’m going to re-learn how to play it.

Music is a huge part of the McGarvey family. My oldest son has traveled the world playing music before thousands but it all started in our unfinished basement with pencils on empty popcorn tins as a toddler. Later he wanted a drum set so I negotiated. Two years of piano lessons first, then drums. Now he plays drums, keyboards, and acoustic, electric, and base guitar. He’s played every genre, every type of venue, though I’m sure he has a bucket list of venues he’d like to perform in.

Encourage musical interest, no matter the form.

My youngest is a music fiend but in a totally different way. He loves listening to music, attending concerts, discovering new artists, creating playlists, supporting his brother’s bands, embracing different genres. If I have a question about an artist, he’s the one I trust to know if I’d like that music or not. I think he’d make a great agent for an artist (shh – don’t tell him I said so).

img_4258Listen to all types of music.

We played music in our house all the time. Depending on the ages of our kids, we went from Donut Man to Mary Rice Hopkins; from DC Talk to Switchfoot; from Ella Fitzgerald to Louis Armstrong to Trombone Shorty; from Ben Rector to Colony House to show tunes; from I Am They to Lauren Daigle to Bethel Music. We have Bluetooth speakers in almost every room, ipods since the boys could take care of them, and hundreds of pairs of earbuds in multiple locations.

Establish a music tradition in your family. Follow a favorite artist.

In the last six years, I’ve established a tradition of taking my kids to at least one live concert a year, specifically the indie rock band NEEDTOBREATHE. We’ve traveled around the Midwest to see our favorite group…actually they’re MY favorite group, but the kids come with me anyway. We’ve discovered some new artists who we really enjoy – so much that we’ve gone to their concerts too. And the kids take me to their favorite live concerts too! This tradition, bound up in our common love of music, has made for some sweet memories, great travel stories, and good tunes!

I don’t know what our family would have turned out like without music…and I’m glad I don’t have to find out. This is one bit of wisdom I’m glad I discovered very early in life.

 

 

 

Learn to Cook

Leave a reply

My poor husband. When we married 32 years ago, he did not know that I could not cook. And I never mentioned it. And I didn’t get much better for a number of years. Oh sure – I could boil water, warm stuff up in the oven, fry a hamburger, make a decent ham and cheese sandwich. I could even follow a recipe, as long as it involved only about five ingredients. Too many steps and I pretty much zoned out. I wasn’t a terrible cook. I was an apathetic one.

I didn’t really care about cooking until I realized I’d better step up my game for a new husband. Thankfully he was a good cook so we didn’t starve (or eat cereal at every meal). We fixed simple meals at first – a meat, a vegetable, a potato. Occasionally we had a pasta dish, spaghetti most frequently.  We ate out if we wanted something fancier – Italian and Chinese were favorites. Don loved to grill so once we got an outdoor grill we branched out into steaks, chicken, hamburgers, brats…you know, meat. After our kids were born, we perfected chicken nuggets and pizza.

The funniest thing changed our whole outlook on preparing food in our home. We started watching the Food Network. We were fascinated by the antics of Chef Emeril Lagasse on “Emeril Live” with his studio audience and live band.  He was so entertaining, he made cooking good food appear to be fun and easy. We added a few more shows from favorites like Rachael Ray (her “30-minute-meals” show is still the best for people wanting to learn how to cook without a lot of fancy or weird ingredients), Ming Tsai, Giada De Laurentis, Alton Brown, Tyler Florence, and Bobby Flay.

We learned some techniques and purchased some tools to make cooking easier and more enjoyable. We found out we liked working together in our little kitchen, putting together meals that tasted good and didn’t take all day to prepare. We tried new dishes, condiments, vegetables, and seasonings. We learned (and tried) new methods of cooking: braising, stir-frying, roasting. We pulled out our Crockpot and put it to use for soups and meats. Sadly, I’m still pretty pathetic at making a decent roast beef, but I’m money with pulled pork.

So – my tidbit of wisdom for today is learn to cook. Start slow – pick an easy dish that sounds delicious, but with few ingredients and steps. Don’t set yourself up to fail by trying Beef Wellington right out of the gate. How about sticking a pork shoulder in Crockpot for 8-10 hours on low with some sliced onions, seasoned salt, black, pepper, garlic powder, a bay leaf or two, and a can of Dr. Pepper? It’ll be “fall-apart-tender.”

Don’t skimp on good tools. It makes all the difference between having fun and being frustrated. Sharp knives, good pans that won’t fall apart, fresh seasonings, proper measuring cups and spoons. Add more as you gain confidence.

Start making stuff for friends and family. Take your cake to work. Have people over to test out your new lasagna recipe. Sign up for a cooking class through your local community college or grocery store.

I get a lot of enjoyment out of trying a new recipe and having it succeed. But I’ve also learned a lot through my failures (remember: celebrate failure) – such as learning that baking powder and baking soda are NOT the same; you can’t substitute sweetened condensed milk for evaporated milk in my fudge recipe; vanilla is necessary in chocolate chip cookies; and just yesterday I found out that putting muffins in the oven and forgetting to turn it on will not help them bake. Always learning.

 

 

 

 

Friday’s Five

Leave a reply

It’s the Friday before Christmas and I’m swamped with a to-do list longer than any naughty-or-nice list Santa’s looking at today. Which means – how do I blog AND get my other stuff done. Came up with this: Friday’s Five. I’m offering five quick “what I’ve learned in my six decades of life” tidbits of wisdom. Take it or leave it.

  • Try new things.

We all get stuck in routines. Routines are absolutely necessary but occasionally, get out of your personal rut and try something new. A new route to work, a new restaurant, a new item at your old restaurant, a new coffee shop, a museum you’ve never visited, give blood for the first time, ring the bell for Salvation Army’s Red Kettle campaign, walk a new path, take a vacation to a different destination. These are all new things I’ve tried in the last five years. A couple of those new things have become new routines (I give blood every 8 weeks, and ring that little bell every Christmas) and I’m always looking for something else to try to push my comfort boundaries.

  • Don’t eat meat with an expired date.

Seems like a no-brainer, right? Maybe I should have said, “check the expiration date of any meat product before consuming.” No explanation necessary. Live and learn. At least I lived, though I felt like death warmed over for a while.

  • Visit national, state, and county parks as much as possible.

img_3853My brother and sister-in-law took me to my first national park in September of 2016. And my second. And my third. All in the space of three days. That whirlwind tour was life-changing. God is out there, people. Check out His creation in the wide open spaces. Or the deep dark forests. Or the windswept prairie. Or the little path through the woods. I will never be the same. I will never view God the same. I’ve thanked Alan and Victoria multiple times, but I can never express adequately what that trip meant to me.

  • Watch someone else’s kids play sports, perform in a play, or sing/play in a concert.

We all love our own kids best. It’s natural. But there is something so wonderful about cheering for other people’s kids. They light up. Their parents light up. Everyone needs a cheerleader – be one for someone else’s children. And it will change YOU.  Love for others grows your heart.

  • Go without occasionally.

If you have enough money to purchase whatever you want, don’t. Live with less. Say “no” to that voice- the one that says, “you must have this.” Give yourself a day or two – find out if that thing you so desire on Friday is still necessary on Monday. Show your kids that living with less can be freeing, gratifying, enjoyable. Stuff clutters. And I’m still working on this one.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

Get Outside Everyday

Leave a reply

But it’s so _______. Insert your weather whiny word in the blank. In the winter, in the Midwest, I usually use words like cold, windy, freezing, icy, or snowy. Maybe in your location or time of year you’ll change those words to hot, humid, rainy, or stormy.

Basically we are creatures of comfort and my comfortable temp is partly sunny and 70 degrees. But that particular weather happens about three hours a year. If I waited to enjoy the outdoors until it was perfect, my concept of perfect, I’d be inside all the time.

So suck it up and do whatever’s necessary to get outside for some time every day. Buy the clothing you need to help you stay warm (or cool), invest in good walking shoes, find a walking buddy or build in some accountability somewhere, even reward yourself after a particularly nasty day but Get. Outside.

As a child I played outside all the time. Usually by myself because my sweet little sister wasn’t the tomboy I was. I tromped through the woods, jumped the creek, rode my horse, played in the barn, walked back and forth the quarter mile from my house to my grandma’s all day long. Somewhere in my growing up I lost my fascination with the outdoors and ended up 30 lbs overweight in my 40s. It was when I started working full time that I again came to realize the mental, emotional, and physical benefits of a walk outside. And I rarely miss a day now.

Besides dropping those extra pounds, I’ve gained a fresh perspective. And reconnected to the God who created the world around me.

My almost-60 year old self is looking forward to warmer days but I’ll persevere through the snowy and blustery ones too. My Creator God gave me a big world, with beauty to discover every day, in every type of weather.

Celebrate Failure…

1 Reply

img_4200

I love baseball and often use the game and its many strategies to help explain my take on life. For instance, a successful hitter in professional baseball hits .300. Any person who plays ball would love to be a 300-hitter. But that means they failed to hit the ball 70% of the time. When looking at success from the perspective of baseball, 30% is great!

I’ve found that perspective changes much of what I determine as a success or failure. There were many, many days I felt I was a failure as a wife, parent, friend, employee, leader…basically, anything I tried, any role I fulfilled. But, looking back, I think I succeeded more than I imagined at the time (not trying to get high-fives here) and I know I learned a great deal from my failures and shortcomings.

  • I learned to get back up. Falling short isn’t permanent, unless I want it to be.
  • I learned to take a step back. My perceived failure may be God’s way of helping me adjust my expectations.
  • I learned that my failure can be a learning tool to help me to my next success.

When I was a high school senior, my American History teacher gave me a failing grade on an essay assignment. I was devastated. I had never received a C, let alone an F, on any assignment in high school. Thankfully, he explained his reasoning and talked me out of a meltdown. He said, for this particular assignment, my writing was not up to par with my usual efforts. It seemed stale, boring, and without any credible research to back up my thesis. Furthermore, he said, I needed to step up my writing game if I wanted to be successful in my college classes…and he gave me another chance to do better. Which, I guess I did, since I got an A the second time around.

That particular failure (along with a wise teacher) served me well in college and in life. I learned not every failure is devastating, and most can be, and should be, tools to help me learn and grow and get better.

So I’ve learned to celebrate my failures – taking some time to evaluate, gain some perspective, and get back up to try again, or let it go.

I’m not perfect. Big surprise, huh? You’re not perfect either. Still not surprised? How about this – no one is or ever has been or ever will be perfect (except Jesus, ok?). Failure, falling short, is a natural part of life. Something everyone goes through more times than we’d like or care to admit. I may not be perfect, but I am forgiven. Jesus isn’t looking to use perfect people, just willing ones. And if He’s willing to love and use a failure like me, I need to cut myself some slack. It’s called grace. Give yourself some.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Is 60 the New 40?

Leave a reply

If the meaning of “golden birthday” is turning the age of your birthday (like mine was 16 on the 16th), what is it when you turn the age of your birth year? Couldn’t find it on wikipedia so I’m going to call it my “platinum birthday” – platinum is valuable, precious and matches my hair color. And it’s my next one. One month away.

In the last few years I’ve been fixated on new beginnings. I’m not going to get into details (check out some of my earlier blogs) but I enjoy trying new things, stretching out of some long-held beliefs, and learning different skills.

So, as I enter the last month of my 50s, I’ve decided to blog about a few things I’ve picked up on in the last 6 decades. Some are no-brainers. Some were mind-blowing (to me). Some are very practical, others whimsical. Actually, I compiled my list while on a walk a week or so ago…had Siri jot it down in my notes app. Now that I think about it, I should make that one of my bits of wisdom. Use your smartphone for more than social media, talking, and taking pictures.

On my birthday I’ll publish the complete list, but starting tomorrow, I’ll select one (or five – I can do whatever I want, I guess) and chat a bit about why I find this bit of wisdom or advice important enough to share. If no one reads this, just the exercise of putting my thoughts down in writing is important for me. And there’s another thing to add to my list: Put your thoughts down on paper once in a while.

Just to whet your appetite for this mind-blowing (or mind-numbing) series, here’s what I found while out on my walk today. It was cold outside so most of my 3+ mile walk was inside the Cedar Rapids skywalk system. I’m adding it to my list. Good advice…take it.

img_4196

Is 60 the new 40? I’m not sure. I’ll let you know in a month.

 

 

How to Make a Wedding Unforgettable

1 Reply

img_2978Our youngest son got married on Saturday. It was beautiful. Of course, when the bride is absolutely gorgeous and the husband is GQ-worthy (someone else said this first, not me…his mother)…it’s tough to have a bad wedding. But we learned a lot from the planning process and throughout the day into the evening. I’m passing along a little wisdom.

Five Things to Make Your Wedding Unforgettable.

img_2943(1)  Have an outdoor wedding. No matter what you do to out-think the weather forecast, the weather always wins. Always. Maybe it’ll be sweltering hot. Maybe the gnats & mosquitoes will dive bomb each guest. Maybe the storm clouds will gather behind the wedding party as they try to look cool and calm. Maybe the storm sirens won’t go off during the ceremony. Maybe the wind will blow the decorations into the next county. Maybe some of this happened to us.

(2)  Ensure you lose electricity during the reception because of weather. Everyone eats by the flickering candlelight. Toilets won’t flush. Band can’t play. The mother-of-the-bride’s best friends hold their camera flashlights over the food line so people know what meat they are putting into their tacos.

img_2944(3) Make sure the mother of the groom hurts her back the night before. With so many friends and family members in town, there’s a plethora of advice (and painkiller options) made available. In order to remember the day, keep the drug options to Tylenol and ibuprofen. And peppermint oil.

(4) Torrential downpours. Nothing like a little (not little) thunderstorm to keep everyone inside the building instead of enjoying the beautiful grounds of our venue. But we also didn’t lose anyone. Keeping our loved ones close makes for a very memorable day.

(5) Live band. Let’s be real – a live cover band with no electricity doesn’t sound good. Pun intended. But our venue staff (Koru Aronia Berry Farm) worked tirelessly to pull off miracles and the band (Strays) went live only 20 minutes behind schedule. We danced (not me) and sang and swayed and tapped our toes (me) for almost three hours. I loved watching my adult nieces and nephews enjoying themselves right alongside my little great-nephews dancing away the night.

I could add so much more because it truly was a wonderful day. No matter the glitches that could have ruined everything, Sean and Ellie planned and pulled off a magical wedding.

Huge thank you to all that came together to work, play, dance, serve, and celebrate this special couple. Sean and Ellie made it to Italy (eventually – but that’s another story) and you can see some of their travels on their Instagram pages. And I’m down to only two ibuprofen a day.