Category Archives: Reflections on Life

Own Your Choices

Own_Your_ChoicesI ate a cookie this morning.

I usually eat healthy foods during the week…fruit, nuts, salads, veggies. If I eat sweets, it’s because one of my colleagues has brought in something she’s baked and I’m not going to hurt her feelings by saying “no” to banana cake. But today, I caved. I ate a cookie. A plain old, comes in a box, cookie. I have no excuses. No one forced me. No one threatened me. I made the choice. I. Chose. The. Cookie.

We all have choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, what route to work, what to spend money on, where to go to church (or not), what to do with our time. Our choices are just that. Ours.

If I want to achieve a certain goal, I’m going to need to make certain choices. Sometimes those choices involve sacrificing what I WANT RIGHT NOW, for what I want down the line. If I want to be a healthy 60-year-old, I’m going to have to choose to live a healthy lifestyle. (P.S. – It probably won’t happen tomorrow. I will be eating sweets on my big day). But if I don’t make those healthy choices, I won’t be blaming someone else. It’s on me. And I’m good with that. I’m tired of seeing social media postings blaming everyone else for the circumstances in our lives.

“I can’t believe that cop gave me a speeding ticket.”
“My teacher gave me a D – just for one missing assignment.”
“I have no time to exercise (read, pray, call my dad, visit with my grandma, shovel my neighbor’s walk…)”
“It’s my mom’s fault.” (A particularly touchy one – Thankfully for them, this has not been posted by my children)

Yes, there are a lot of people in our world who have very few options.  Circumstances, and other people’s sinful choices, have kept them in bondage. But for MOST of us, we must take ownership of our choices. If we want a different result, we need to make a different choice. We want a different life. We want a smoother road, We want a better job. Or financial freedom. Or healthy relationships. It begins with one step, one choice. And only you can make it.

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Live Passionately

A local coffee shop has the phrase “Live Passionately” on their wall in great big calligraphy. They have incorporated that phrase into their logo and have it on their to-go cups. It is who they are.

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What a great statement to embrace! It is inspiring but also causes me to contemplate my choices. It encourages me to live with purpose, with intention, with passion for whatever I’ve chosen to do, whoever I’ve chosen to be.

Back in November, when I started thinking about this upcoming birthday (2 days away), I worried a bit about how a 60-year-old woman would be perceived. That one year change from 59 to 60 seemed like such a huge chasm. The difference between January 15 and January 16 was monumental in my own mind. But as I mulled over all the lessons I’ve learned in the last six decades, the ones passed on by my mom and dad, the ones learned through parenting and pastoring, the accidents & mistakes that turned into blessings in disguise, I’ve come to realize that my birthday means only one thing.

I’m just one day older. One day closer to becoming exactly who God designed me to be. One day more to choose well – to live as an influencer for the Kingdom of God…salt and light to a world that needs to see the love of Jesus in action. And it’s not how others perceive me that matters. I live for an audience of One – and I know I matter greatly to my heavenly Father. He doesn’t see me as a birthday…He sees me as a dearly and desperately loved daughter of the King.

When I see “live passionately,” I don’t think of my local coffee shop. I think about the life I have left – be it one day, one year, or until I’m 100. I think about living so the passionate love of Jesus shines from my passionately lived life.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Walk the Talk

Social media is lying to you. Viral rants from both sides are trying to lead us to believe our world is falling apart, that evil is winning, and no one cares about anyone else any more. That is just not true and I know because I saw evidence to the contrary today.

I’m always harping on “do what is in front of you to do.” This afternoon, Mary was in front of me. Coming in off the street, Mary appeared to only need directions. We get a lot of walk ins, asking how to get to the library, the post office, or the Human Services building around the corner. I’m always willing and able to give out directions. Today, I needed to invest a little more into Mary.

Mary was homeless. She’d been recently abused by her boyfriend and dumped downtown. Because she had her two cats with her, no shelter would let her stay overnight, so she walked the city streets all night. She was tired, hungry, upset, and wanting to get back to her home town, 30 miles away. She asked to use my phone to call somebody to get her home. “No one will help me,” she said, over and over.

So what would you do? How can I talk about kindness, and gratitude, and living my best life and not do something? I made some phone calls, tried some different options, but in the end, with the help of some wonderful co-workers, we opted to get Mary an Uber ride back to her home town. Her hometown police chief was going to be on the look out for her arrival so, hopefully, she’ll have a good night’s sleep in a warm bed, and a little peace of mind. As I helped Mary up into the truck, I tucked her coat around her and looked right into her eyes. “I’ll be praying for you. God loves you,” I told her. She thanked me over and over, eyes brimming with tears. The driver took off and I went back into my beautiful, warm office, and prayed for Mary.

I learned a couple of valuable lessons today. First, people are willing to help out those in need. I had multiple co-workers ask if I needed anything (as I was dealing with Mary),  and one came through with all the resources necessary to solve Mary’s dilemma. Even more importantly, I learned I must walk the talk. Blogs are fun and fine, but words mean nothing if you don’t follow through with actions.

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Everyone Has a Story…

I’ve been leading off the teaching time each Sunday this month by telling the Bible story prior to Don’s sermon. Our theme is “unlikely heroes.” Last week I told the story of Gideon, and today, the well-known account of David and Goliath. My goal is to make these stories interesting by delivering the information in a somewhat entertaining manner. In other words, keep my listeners from falling asleep.

Don’t you love a good story? Me too. I love to read stories, watch stories unfold, and listen to stories. The very best ones are the ones that are true.

Therefore, my tidbit of wisdom today is two-fold: listen to other people’s stories and begin to tell your own.

Everyone has a story. The young. The elderly. Your kids. Your grandparents. Your friends. Your coworkers. Even strangers. We all have a tale to tell. Some are humorous. Some are heartbreaking. Some are touching. Some are educational.

Just like multiple movie and book genres, there are also genres of real life narratives. Some have lived through heart-pounding adventure. Others soul-stirring romances. Maybe yours is a hilarious comedy. Listen and learn. Pay attention. Ask questions. Hear the stories living lives around you. Nothing can touch your soul like a good story.

And finally, tell your story. Give it a voice and theme, settings and characters, conflict and resolution. Be a storyteller. Others need to hear what you’ve been through, the lessons you’ve learned, the hope you can give on our shared life’s journey.

Jesus was a storyteller. He knew the greatest lessons learned are those told as stories. The prodigal son. The persistent widow. The lost sheep. So many stories giving us a glimpse into the kingdom of God – stories of heaven, healing, forgiveness, and restoration.

I love to tell the Story.

Never Stop Having Fun

2019_selfie_siblingsThe greatest gift I received from my mom and dad was not my outward appearance, my good genes, or any present wrapped up with a bow. The best gift passed down to me and my siblings was a sense of humor. And I pray I passed that gift on to my children.

What is life without laughter? Without fun? Boring.

I love to laugh. I love to listen to others laugh. There is nothing as uplifting as a child’s giggles. I can’t help but smile when I hear an awful “dad joke.” Well, sometimes I groan too, but usually with a smile attached. I loved hearing my kids learning to tell jokes. You know those first few made no sense (except to them), but it was fun to watch them develop their own senses of humor. And to this day, no one can make me laugh like my kids. No one.

I am kind of picky about what types of humor I allow myself to engage in. I will not make fun of other people, or put up with listening to it from anyone else. I’m not a huge “slap stick comedy” lover, though my husband is a big fan. I don’t drink wine, but I do enjoy a nice dry sense of humor.

As I begin my journey into my sixties, I’m determined that I will not lose that sense of humor. I don’t want to get old inside, even if I can’t always control how old I look on the outside. I want to enjoy life even more now, than I did when I was younger. I want to laugh at jokes, tell hilarious puns at family dinners, make silly faces at children, keep others laughing with me.

The world we live in is in a precarious state. The news is dire every night. The future is uncertain and grim. But I can’t control those things. What I can control is my own environment, my own attitude – and I choose laughter and joy. I will smile at friends and strangers. I will spread the love of Jesus wherever I go. I will laugh at dad jokes.

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A Healthy Five Favorites

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What a way to get your steps! Galena, Illinois, steps from downtown to streets above.

The big 6-0 is approaching – less than a week to go. I’ve come a long way since November when I first started thinking about my upcoming birthday. Those few short months ago, I was dreading it. Sixty?! It sounds so old! But since then, I’ve begun taking active steps, mentally and emotionally, to shift my mindset from what I used to think, to what I want to think. Sixty is a number – it is not my identity. I’m going to work hard to make sure my sixties are the best decade of my life – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Therefore, today’s wisdom will be five of my favorite ways to stay healthy…even at this advanced age.

 

  • Drink water. Lots of it.

A few years ago, when I was actively working out at a Curves facility (I really miss my Curves workouts and friends), one of my favorite pieces of advice was to drink water. Weight loss is easier when you are hydrated. Everything is easier when you’re hydrated. I’ve made it a goal to drink at least 80 ounces of water a day, and I do not count coffee as “water.” Coffee is wonderful, but it doesn’t add to your hydration. There are so many benefits of drinking water. Your body and brain will thank you!

  • Get up and move.
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C25k app is my go-to for 5k training every year.

Regular exercise, even just walking or stretching, will help you feel better. Of course, I’m no doctor (I don’t even play one on TV), but regular movement gets the endorphins going, loosens up stiff joints and muscles, and burns a few calories. I walk every day. My goal is 10,000 steps, and I feel as though I’m keeping my body in better shape for those “elderly” years (whenever that happens). We were gifted with a great treadmill at the end of last year, and I use it every day that I cannot get outside because of darkness or cold. I’ll begin my running regimen this month, instead of having to wait until whenever spring decides to show up.

 

  • Fruit and vegetables.

The recommended daily intake of five servings of fruit and vegetables seems pretty doable. I absolutely love vegetables and so eating them in abundance every day is not a hardship for me. You’ll enjoy the benefits of increased vitamins and fiber (and all that does for a body). Don and I love roasting vegetables seasoned with some flavorful salts and peppers (425 degrees, 15-20 minutes, drizzled with EVOO and seasonings). I try to eat an apple every afternoon, instead of hitting up my co-worker’s chocolate stash. Spinach in a smoothie, pulverized carrots and onions in a meatloaf, raw veggies with hummus as a snack…possibilities are endless.

  • Sleep.

I love sleep. And I know I need at least 7 hours of sleep to function at my best the next day. I’m usually asleep by 10ish on weekdays, and up before 6, so unless my mind decides otherwise, I do get a good night’s sleep most of the time. As I get older, I realize I’m more like a toddler. If I’m grumpy and pouty, it’s because I’m tired or hungry.

  • Occasional pampering.

One of the very best benefits of getting older is guilt-free time for some pampering. When I was in my 30s and 40s, I would have loved a mani-pedi, or a massage, or taking a long walk alone, but it wasn’t possible for a variety of reasons. People frown on moms who leave their small children home alone. We also didn’t have much extra money, and I would have felt awful using any funds for “silly” things like a pedicure.  But now that I’m working, Don’s working, and the kids are grown up and out of the house, I feel no guilt if I take some money for a sugaring session, or a pedicure, or buying a new pair of running shoes. Today I was able to have a 75-minute stone massage and it was wonderful! My kids gifted me with a session for last year’s birthday and I was happy to use it up.

I know there could be health surprises in my future; things I have no control over. But I also know God has shown me ways to be a good steward of the body I have. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I want to honor Him with the choices I make. I want to be prepared for whatever my sixties hold. Come on 60! I hear you’re the new 40.

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Don’t be the Bench, Don’t be the Pigeons

I posted a picture online yesterday of a bench located a short walk from my downtown office. I always take walks over my lunch hour and yesterday, seeing this bench stopped me cold.

94750011-12de-4ecd-96cd-bca4bb706b87It doesn’t take much imagination to tell what’s going on here. There is a small tree that overhangs the bench, and it seems to be a popular spot for birds to “do their business.” The bench is right outside an apartment building, but I’m assuming not many people choose to sit there. Not before the bombardment of bird poo, and certainly not after.

But seeing that bench also made me think of toxic relationships, and how sometimes we are “bombarded by poo” from people who think they can just sit there and spew at us, and that we have to take it. Don’t be the bench. If you have someone (or more than one) in your life who delights in dumping on you all the time, choose to walk away. Take yourself out of that situation. You’ll feel cleaner, free from someone else’s need to release their noxious stuff all over. When you step away, you’ll receive much needed relief, and the possibility of a relationship reset down the road.

(I am not a professional counselor. If this is a relationship you are committed to, such as a marriage or family one, please seek professional counseling to deal with the issues causing this toxicity. This is not my endorsement for leaving a marriage.)

Also – don’t be the pigeons. Don’t just mindlessly release your issues wherever you happen to land. Be careful with your relationships, personal and professional. You may be angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, but the people around you don’t deserve to have your stuff flung their way. If necessary, get professional help to deal with whatever’s destroying your ability to handle stress.

So, my tidbit of wisdom for today: Toxic relationships will affect your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Don’t be the bench and certainly, don’t be the pigeon.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.” Galatians 5:22-23 (CSB)

Not “Have To,” But “Get To”

It may only be semantics (“the meaning of a word, phrase, sentence, or text”) but my title is my mindset. I have a lot of duties between work, church, home, and everything in between, but if I try to remember that these duties are not things I HAVE to do, but things I GET to do, I seem to stay in a pretty decent place emotionally and mentally.

Of course, there are many examples in life where I need to repeat this out loud (over and over and over)…such as cleaning the toilet, decluttering my basement, cutting back my irises, shoveling the driveway…and so on. But my examples are still “GET TO” examples. For instance, I get to clean my toilet – because I am blessed with indoor plumbing (many in the world still rely on outhouses, or worse). I get to declutter my basement – because I have so many things that I can bless someone else who needs them more than I do. I get to cut back my irises, because they were so large and prolific this summer, blessing me with a beautiful view from my kitchen window, and cutting them back will give me even more blooms next year. I get to shovel my driveway, because my husband and I make a great team, my back is healthy, and I’m able to help this winter.

One of my favorite “GET TO” opportunities is working with kids. Since my own are grown and gone, I’m getting all my kid time in teaching Sunday school, working with the middle and high schoolers on Wednesday nights, giving the Children’s Sermon on Sundays, and whatever else comes up. Love those kids! I don’t even have to say “GET TO” in my head.

I hope you have areas in your life where you can switch your mindset from “HAVE TO” to “GET TO” – it’s pretty freeing and helps me choose gratitude over grumbling.

“So then, just as you have received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, being rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing with gratitude.” Colossians 2:6-7 (CSB)

You Can’t Make Old Friends

Singer/songwriter Ben Rector has a song called Old Friends, and the first time I heard it, I thought of my small town and the many school friends I still keep in touch with. We’ve grown a little grayer (me? a LOT grayer), maybe added a few pounds here or there, lost our parents and former teachers, but the bond we created 40+ years ago, hasn’t been broken by time or distance. And to be honest, social media has been the catalyst in keeping us up-to-date on each others’ lives.

My tidbit of wisdom today: Stay in touch with old friends.

Friends – true friends – will stay with you in the rough times, offering a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and many times, helping hands to get things done. You see – old friends know where you came from, what your roots are, or as Ben says, still dial your house phone. They don’t give up on you, on your friendship, just because we’re a little older. In anything, we hug a little tighter, celebrating our joys and mourning our losses together.

Don’t give up on staying in touch, no matter how busy life gets. Carve out time to get a coffee, make a phone call, send an email, meet in Galena for a Saturday shopping trip (YES!)…make more memories and spread more joy.

“Can you take me back when we were just kids
Who weren’t scared of getting older?
‘Cause no one knows you like they know you
And no one probably ever will
You can grow up, make new ones
But the truth is
That we grow up, then wish we could go back then
There’s nothing like old friends
‘Cause you can’t make old friends” (Ben Rector, “Old Friends”)

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You can’t make old friends. Classmates from Durand High School Class of 1978

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Friends through ups and downs. More ups, though!

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Girlfriends – many from kindergarten. Love each one!

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My special almost-daughter, if I were old enough.

Truth in Criticism

Don’t you hate it when someone criticizes something you’ve done, or how you look, or a decision you made. My normal response is hackles up, assume a defensive position, and interrupt their opinion to defend my own. And it really doesn’t matter if the criticism is valid or not – I get defensive. But, the older I get, the more I’m trying (key word here) to see the truth within the criticism.

Let’s be clear first – Joe Blow doesn’t have permission to rail on my decisions. For any criticism to be analyzed for grains (or more) of truth, I need it delivered by someone I trust, someone I believe has my best interests at heart. The opinion of someone yelling at me from a car as I’m walking down the street, telling me my coat color is ugly, isn’t given much weight. So what do I care what you think of my coat color. But…if my husband says he’s not a big fan, or he doesn’t think that color does anything for my skin, then…I may take it into account. Easy example to offer since I know my husband would never comment on my coat color.

Trust comes first. Then, when a criticism is offered, instead of turning into Mike Singletary, I need to respond with respect, offer a “thank you for your opinion,” and take a moment to see if some truth exists within. There usually is. Because I can always improve, I can always grow, and if I dismiss all criticism as invalid, I’ll never get further than where I am right now.

Today’s Leadership Freak blog had a statement that caused me think:

The opposite of defensiveness is vulnerability.

How vulnerable am I willing to be to grow – as a mom, wife, teacher, co-worker, leader, Jesus-follower? The author included list of eight sentences which accelerate personal and professional growth:

  1. I’m not great at everything.
  2. I aspire to improve.
  3. I’m not as smart as I think I am.
  4. I’m not as right as I think I am.
  5. I could be wrong.
  6. Gee! Other people are better than me at some things.
  7. They could be right.
  8. Maybe there’s another way.

I do know there is no perfect person, least of all me. Looking forward to another growth period and maybe it’ll come through criticism.

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