Tag Archives: perfectionism

Truth in Criticism

Leave a reply

Don’t you hate it when someone criticizes something you’ve done, or how you look, or a decision you made. My normal response is hackles up, assume a defensive position, and interrupt their opinion to defend my own. And it really doesn’t matter if the criticism is valid or not – I get defensive. But, the older I get, the more I’m trying (key word here) to see the truth within the criticism.

Let’s be clear first – Joe Blow doesn’t have permission to rail on my decisions. For any criticism to be analyzed for grains (or more) of truth, I need it delivered by someone I trust, someone I believe has my best interests at heart. The opinion of someone yelling at me from a car as I’m walking down the street, telling me my coat color is ugly, isn’t given much weight. So what do I care what you think of my coat color. But…if my husband says he’s not a big fan, or he doesn’t think that color does anything for my skin, then…I may take it into account. Easy example to offer since I know my husband would never comment on my coat color.

Trust comes first. Then, when a criticism is offered, instead of turning into Mike Singletary, I need to respond with respect, offer a “thank you for your opinion,” and take a moment to see if some truth exists within. There usually is. Because I can always improve, I can always grow, and if I dismiss all criticism as invalid, I’ll never get further than where I am right now.

Today’s Leadership Freak blog had a statement that caused me think:

The opposite of defensiveness is vulnerability.

How vulnerable am I willing to be to grow – as a mom, wife, teacher, co-worker, leader, Jesus-follower? The author included list of eight sentences which accelerate personal and professional growth:

  1. I’m not great at everything.
  2. I aspire to improve.
  3. I’m not as smart as I think I am.
  4. I’m not as right as I think I am.
  5. I could be wrong.
  6. Gee! Other people are better than me at some things.
  7. They could be right.
  8. Maybe there’s another way.

I do know there is no perfect person, least of all me. Looking forward to another growth period and maybe it’ll come through criticism.

img_4374

 

Celebrate Failure…

1 Reply

img_4200

I love baseball and often use the game and its many strategies to help explain my take on life. For instance, a successful hitter in professional baseball hits .300. Any person who plays ball would love to be a 300-hitter. But that means they failed to hit the ball 70% of the time. When looking at success from the perspective of baseball, 30% is great!

I’ve found that perspective changes much of what I determine as a success or failure. There were many, many days I felt I was a failure as a wife, parent, friend, employee, leader…basically, anything I tried, any role I fulfilled. But, looking back, I think I succeeded more than I imagined at the time (not trying to get high-fives here) and I know I learned a great deal from my failures and shortcomings.

  • I learned to get back up. Falling short isn’t permanent, unless I want it to be.
  • I learned to take a step back. My perceived failure may be God’s way of helping me adjust my expectations.
  • I learned that my failure can be a learning tool to help me to my next success.

When I was a high school senior, my American History teacher gave me a failing grade on an essay assignment. I was devastated. I had never received a C, let alone an F, on any assignment in high school. Thankfully, he explained his reasoning and talked me out of a meltdown. He said, for this particular assignment, my writing was not up to par with my usual efforts. It seemed stale, boring, and without any credible research to back up my thesis. Furthermore, he said, I needed to step up my writing game if I wanted to be successful in my college classes…and he gave me another chance to do better. Which, I guess I did, since I got an A the second time around.

That particular failure (along with a wise teacher) served me well in college and in life. I learned not every failure is devastating, and most can be, and should be, tools to help me learn and grow and get better.

So I’ve learned to celebrate my failures – taking some time to evaluate, gain some perspective, and get back up to try again, or let it go.

I’m not perfect. Big surprise, huh? You’re not perfect either. Still not surprised? How about this – no one is or ever has been or ever will be perfect (except Jesus, ok?). Failure, falling short, is a natural part of life. Something everyone goes through more times than we’d like or care to admit. I may not be perfect, but I am forgiven. Jesus isn’t looking to use perfect people, just willing ones. And if He’s willing to love and use a failure like me, I need to cut myself some slack. It’s called grace. Give yourself some.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.