Tag Archives: life

All We Have is the En Dash

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I grew up a quarter mile from a small rural cemetery. I often walked up the hill to wander through or play hide-and-seek amongst the gravestones. Though childhood friends frequently asked me if I was scared to live so close to a cemetery, I was never nervous or afraid. The gravestones were just markers of history, representations of real people who lived and died in my little part of the world. Most stones had more than one name etched in the granite, some whole families, with birth and death dates going back many decades.

Have you noticed how a gravestone’s birthdate and death date are always separated by a little line? That’s called an “en dash.” The en dash is used particularly between figures to show a range, like 1939–1945. It’s just a short dash with a very important job.

The en dash on a gravestone represents a whole life—everything that happens to a person between the time they are born and the time they die. As I grow older, I’ve meditated on my own en dash. Though I’m in no hurry to reach the end of life, it is closer than my birth date. And I believe we should all periodically think about how we live our everyday lives.

I love my life. I try to make intentional decisions to stay healthy in every aspect so I can fully appreciate the wonderful gifts God has given to me. My husband, children, grandchildren, friends, and extended family are all blessings. I enjoy my work, my church, my neighborhood, and my little home.

But am I living a fully flourishing life? Are there areas where I can do better, be better, grow stronger and wiser? Here are a few questions I’ve pondered as I live my en dash life:

  • How’s my physical health? Am I getting enough sleep? Do I try to move daily and maintain a healthy diet?
  • What brings me joy? Do I choose activities that challenge my mind? Do I talk to myself as a close friend or my worst enemy? What am I grateful for?
  • Are my relationships healthy and supportive? Where do I invest my time and talents? Do I have a community of friends and family with whom I can really connect?
  • Are my activities energizing and meaningful? What am I most proud of? Is it time to make a change in my career or commitments?
  • How do I spend my money? Am I in control of my finances? Am I prepared for any unexpected expenses?
  • How do I reflect the love of Christ in my sphere of influence? Am I pursuing a growing relationship with God? How about my spiritual disciplines?
  • Looking back on my life, do I have old habits and beliefs I can now let go of? Are there any dreams I’d like to pursue? What would I do if I didn’t fear failure?

As I enjoy each moment with my grandchildren, I’m so grateful for the life God has given me, but I also know I have a responsibility to live it with joy, grace, and wisdom.

And I want my en dash to represent a life lived fully flourishing for God and others.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.

2 Timothy 4:7-8

Lessons from My Worst Job

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What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Was it harmful, traumatizing, complicated, difficult, or just plain boring? Was it the worst because of your duties, coworkers, supervisor, or culture? Or something else entirely?

I’ve had various jobs — some very rewarding because I was pushed to learn and grow, others difficult because I was alone and lonely, and others just plain forgettable.

I was recently reminded of a door-to-door sales job I had in 1979. I was placed in a small town in Oklahoma that must have had a record number of tornadoes that summer. I shared a one-bedroom motel suite with 3 other college-age women. I was the youngest at 19 and slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. Without a car, I was dropped off in my work area every morning and picked up every night. We sold KJV Bibles, kids’ books, and a 2-volume set of medical dictionaries, and I carried a case with samples everywhere I walked. I spent a lot of time in the back rooms of the Circle K convenience store, waiting out a tornado warning. Ate a lot of Marathon chocolate bars and Dr. Pepper.

I was terrible at sales. Sometimes I tried my “pitch” to get in the door (remember, 1979), and when it didn’t work (because, of course, I didn’t think it would), I just asked for a glass of water. Did I mention I was terrible at sales? There were no cell phones, so I would call my mom on a pay phone every day, praying she’d accept the collect call. She always did.

Now that I’m a mom (and grandmother), I have so much sympathy for what I put my mom through. A thousand miles from her daughter and no way to help beyond being present through a phone line. And she didn’t even want me there in the first place. Both parents expressed concern about this little adventure I was adamant about trying. “What could go wrong? I’ll be with a bunch of other college kids?” “They say I can make a lot of money.”

I didn’t mention that the reason I didn’t have transportation was that my little yellow Vega died somewhere in southern Illinois along the interstate. My first call home was to my dad, who made two 10-hour round trips to retrieve it. The first time, the gas station where I’d left the keys was closed.

I ended up going home before the summer was over. I was “fired” for poor sales, but I wasn’t even sad about it. Home had never looked so good.

I think I measure every other job next to that one.

  • Do I have transportation? Yes.
  • Do I have visible coworkers (via in-person or on-screen)? Yes.
  • Do I have running water, indoor plumbing, and healthy food options? Yes.
  • Do I have to sell anything? No.
  • Can I take time out to help my kids? Absolutely.

I wish I could tell my mom that she saved my life that summer, just by accepting my collect calls. And my dad, for showing me that love isn’t a word, it’s an action. And by the way, they never said, “We told you so.” At least, not that time.

Celebrating a Big One

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I recently celebrated my 65th birthday. For those who haven’t yet entered the AARP years, 65 is a pretty significant number.

At age 65 (or 3 months before), most people become eligible for Medicare. But let me assure you, the organizations that sell supplemental insurance have been tracking you for years. You will begin receiving ads and official-looking letters not long into your 60s. Get a bigger recycle bin. You’ll need it.

It used to be that 65 was “the retirement year.” Not so much anymore. I won’t be retiring anytime soon, as I didn’t bother to put anything into retirement savings until I could afford to, which was well into my 50s. So I’ll be working until I’m about 86.

For those of you who are turning 40 and whining about needing glasses or that extra 10 pounds that just won’t come off…get ready for a heavy dose of reality at 65. Not only are your glasses tri-focal, but cataracts and floaters make your vision like you’re looking up through murky water.

And that extra 10 pounds becomes 40 pounds if you didn’t make some changes in your lifestyle back in your 40s and 50s. Most of us in our mid-to-late-60s have some chronic condition like hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, or some type of cardiovascular issue. And many of my friends sport at least one “replacement” part. Thankfully I received some great advice in my early 50s, and I have good health today, but it can all change with one slip sideways off the curb.

Take some advice from someone who is definitely older, maybe a bit wiser…

Get off your butt. Start moving while you still can. Lose a few pounds if you need to. Eat healthier. Say “no” to desserts once in a while. Choose fish or chicken when you can. Drink more water. Drink less alcohol. Don’t smoke. For God’s sake, don’t smoke.

Put down your phone and spend intentional time with your friends and family. Read good books. Spend time in nature. Meet your neighbors. Volunteer at the food pantry or homeless shelter or pass out meals at the Salvation Army. Play games with your kids (or grandkids). Start a new hobby. Get rid of the junk in your basement.

Travel now and don’t put off that big trip you want to take “someday.” Someday never comes, and then, at 65, you’re looking in the rearview mirror at all the fun trips you wish you’d done.

As I’ve aged, I’ve realized the need to learn new ways to remember things. I know I don’t have any significant cognitive decline, but I’m not too proud to admit that I can be forgetful at times. So I’ve learned ways to cope. I make lists of what I want from the grocery store. I take pictures of the new bathroom vanity I want. I write down my computer passwords. I take the card my hair stylist and chiropractor offer me that tells me when my next appointment is. I won’t lie to myself and say, “I’ll remember that,” because I won’t. Halfway to my car, I’ve already forgotten.

There is much to enjoy about this new season. I’ve become less concerned about what others think. No worries about growing out my gray hair since I did that in my 40s. I say “yes” more often for things I want to do and “no” when my social currency is spent. I wear more pink (my granddaughter’s favorite color). I continue to learn new things every day so I can be hip and cool into my 80s.

I’m grateful for every morning, spending my first hour in Scripture. I’m grateful for every evening as I lie down next to my sweet husband. I’m thankful for walking and running. Sleeping and waking. Working and playing. Growing and flourishing. Ok, 65, here we go!

Celebrating with my granddaughter

Live Passionately

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A local coffee shop has the phrase “Live Passionately” on their wall in great big calligraphy. They have incorporated that phrase into their logo and have it on their to-go cups. It is who they are.

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What a great statement to embrace! It is inspiring but also causes me to contemplate my choices. It encourages me to live with purpose, with intention, with passion for whatever I’ve chosen to do, whoever I’ve chosen to be.

Back in November, when I started thinking about this upcoming birthday (2 days away), I worried a bit about how a 60-year-old woman would be perceived. That one year change from 59 to 60 seemed like such a huge chasm. The difference between January 15 and January 16 was monumental in my own mind. But as I mulled over all the lessons I’ve learned in the last six decades, the ones passed on by my mom and dad, the ones learned through parenting and pastoring, the accidents & mistakes that turned into blessings in disguise, I’ve come to realize that my birthday means only one thing.

I’m just one day older. One day closer to becoming exactly who God designed me to be. One day more to choose well – to live as an influencer for the Kingdom of God…salt and light to a world that needs to see the love of Jesus in action. And it’s not how others perceive me that matters. I live for an audience of One – and I know I matter greatly to my heavenly Father. He doesn’t see me as a birthday…He sees me as a dearly and desperately loved daughter of the King.

When I see “live passionately,” I don’t think of my local coffee shop. I think about the life I have left – be it one day, one year, or until I’m 100. I think about living so the passionate love of Jesus shines from my passionately lived life.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Let Go of Regrets

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None of us want to have regrets in life. I want to live each day so when I look back, I can say I have no regrets. But I also realize that may not be totally reasonable. We all make mistakes. Maybe it’s as little as eating too much cake and cookies over these holidays (definitely) or sitting more than moving (maybe) or choosing my own comfort over someone else’s (probably). Maybe you’ve lived a life full of things you now regret. I hope you know it is not too late to change, to choose better moving forward, to ask and receive forgiveness, and to extend to yourself a wonderful gift: Grace.

My pastor reminded me today that our past (good or bad) does not define our future. God has a new thing for you – a path, adventure, purpose beyond anything you can imagine. Don’t allow regrets to keep you from saying “yes” to whatever God has for you. Don’t keep looking in your rear view mirror – you’re not going that way.

Milkweed seeds ready to fly

Monument to life

Reflection is necessary occasionally.

The colors of sunset – dramatic reminder of a full day

Is 60 the New 40?

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If the meaning of “golden birthday” is turning the age of your birthday (like mine was 16 on the 16th), what is it when you turn the age of your birth year? Couldn’t find it on wikipedia so I’m going to call it my “platinum birthday” – platinum is valuable, precious and matches my hair color. And it’s my next one. One month away.

In the last few years I’ve been fixated on new beginnings. I’m not going to get into details (check out some of my earlier blogs) but I enjoy trying new things, stretching out of some long-held beliefs, and learning different skills.

So, as I enter the last month of my 50s, I’ve decided to blog about a few things I’ve picked up on in the last 6 decades. Some are no-brainers. Some were mind-blowing (to me). Some are very practical, others whimsical. Actually, I compiled my list while on a walk a week or so ago…had Siri jot it down in my notes app. Now that I think about it, I should make that one of my bits of wisdom. Use your smartphone for more than social media, talking, and taking pictures.

On my birthday I’ll publish the complete list, but starting tomorrow, I’ll select one (or five – I can do whatever I want, I guess) and chat a bit about why I find this bit of wisdom or advice important enough to share. If no one reads this, just the exercise of putting my thoughts down in writing is important for me. And there’s another thing to add to my list: Put your thoughts down on paper once in a while.

Just to whet your appetite for this mind-blowing (or mind-numbing) series, here’s what I found while out on my walk today. It was cold outside so most of my 3+ mile walk was inside the Cedar Rapids skywalk system. I’m adding it to my list. Good advice…take it.

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Is 60 the new 40? I’m not sure. I’ll let you know in a month.

 

 

How to Make a Wedding Unforgettable

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img_2978Our youngest son got married on Saturday. It was beautiful. Of course, when the bride is absolutely gorgeous and the husband is GQ-worthy (someone else said this first, not me…his mother)…it’s tough to have a bad wedding. But we learned a lot from the planning process and throughout the day into the evening. I’m passing along a little wisdom.

Five Things to Make Your Wedding Unforgettable.

img_2943(1)  Have an outdoor wedding. No matter what you do to out-think the weather forecast, the weather always wins. Always. Maybe it’ll be sweltering hot. Maybe the gnats & mosquitoes will dive bomb each guest. Maybe the storm clouds will gather behind the wedding party as they try to look cool and calm. Maybe the storm sirens won’t go off during the ceremony. Maybe the wind will blow the decorations into the next county. Maybe some of this happened to us.

(2)  Ensure you lose electricity during the reception because of weather. Everyone eats by the flickering candlelight. Toilets won’t flush. Band can’t play. The mother-of-the-bride’s best friends hold their camera flashlights over the food line so people know what meat they are putting into their tacos.

img_2944(3) Make sure the mother of the groom hurts her back the night before. With so many friends and family members in town, there’s a plethora of advice (and painkiller options) made available. In order to remember the day, keep the drug options to Tylenol and ibuprofen. And peppermint oil.

(4) Torrential downpours. Nothing like a little (not little) thunderstorm to keep everyone inside the building instead of enjoying the beautiful grounds of our venue. But we also didn’t lose anyone. Keeping our loved ones close makes for a very memorable day.

(5) Live band. Let’s be real – a live cover band with no electricity doesn’t sound good. Pun intended. But our venue staff (Koru Aronia Berry Farm) worked tirelessly to pull off miracles and the band (Strays) went live only 20 minutes behind schedule. We danced (not me) and sang and swayed and tapped our toes (me) for almost three hours. I loved watching my adult nieces and nephews enjoying themselves right alongside my little great-nephews dancing away the night.

I could add so much more because it truly was a wonderful day. No matter the glitches that could have ruined everything, Sean and Ellie planned and pulled off a magical wedding.

Huge thank you to all that came together to work, play, dance, serve, and celebrate this special couple. Sean and Ellie made it to Italy (eventually – but that’s another story) and you can see some of their travels on their Instagram pages. And I’m down to only two ibuprofen a day.

 

Unexpectedlies

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It’s not even a word – but it so accurately describes my life. I have a lot of unexpectedlies – every day. And so do you. At first, I was blindsided by happenings in my life that I never planned for. Death. Accidents. Job loss. Broken relationships. All these and more kept me off balance, sometimes teetering on the edge of grief and despair. I felt more fear than faith – dreading the next bend in the road.

One weekend TrailI had an epiphany. I came to realize, with the wooing of the Holy Spirit, that these unexpectedlies are opportunities. Opportunities to find blessing in the midst of sadness. Joy in the midst of sorrow. Healing in the midst of pain. Instead of finding the gray on the backside of every cloud, I really do attempt to find the silver lining.

This past month, three close friends have passed away. One was my beautiful daughter-in-law’s father. He was a huge influence in my life, in the lives of my friends and family. Another was a man who helped me navigate the stress of my first radio job, moving from co-worker to great friend. He and his lovely wife gave me support in the hardest time of my life and for that, I will be forever grateful. Just this past Tuesday, another friend entered in the presence of Jesus. We’d only known each other three years but we became the best of buddies, joined together through our love of the Chicago Cubs and our little church family.

Each man was an unexpectedly in my life – unexpected voices of encouragement and affirmation, sometimes challenging, always loving and supportive. I am a blessed woman to have known these three and I am so grateful I was able to run part of my life’s race alongside them.

Takeaway – celebrate the unexpectedlies. Look for the blessing in each one. Grow through the experience. Choose to respond to each one with grace and forgiveness. Love fiercely because unexpectedlies happen…every day.

Day 6 – All I’ll Ever Need

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God_provides

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11

I am so grateful for the provision of God. He gives us life, and breath, and hope. He knew us before we were in the wombs of our mothers, and has a plan and purpose for each of us. He provides ways for us to work, talents for us to use, gifts for us to share. He cares about every detail of our lives. God does not live in some far off place, moving the affairs of men as chess pieces…He is a loving heavenly Father who weeps when we mourn, rejoices when we are happy, and gives us so many good gifts. Of course, His greatest gift was sending His only Son Jesus to die in our place, that we would not be punished for our sins, but will instead be welcomed into His Presence once we have accepted that gift, and proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

I cannot imagine my life without God’s provision. There are some in this world who deny His existence, and yet they breathe the air He devised, they walk the earth He formed, they exist in the body of man, who He created to walk with Him.

God’s promise to renew my mind gives me access to His deep thoughts. The presence of the Holy Spirit in my life gives me a Comforter, Teacher, Guide and Friend…Someone who will instruct me throughout this turbulent and sometimes, terrifying journey of life. God has given us armor to wage war against the enemy of our souls. He has given us His Word to wield as a living weapon more powerful than any man made missile. He has provided each of us with spiritual gifts to bless and build up the Body of Christ.

I cannot name one provision of God that I am more grateful for than another. I am dependent on Him for everything I am, everything I do, and everywhere I go. I pray He will always provide me with words to encourage and uplift, talents to build up, and strength to finish the race He has set before me. That is my prayer for you as well.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” 2 Peter  1:3

Day 3 – My Mama Always Told Me…

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Juanita & Gloria Damon (my mom) dressed for prom (circa 1945?)

 

I don’t know about you, but I had a mom who wasn’t shy about speaking her mind. She was the youngest of three daughters and admittedly, teased and tormented her sisters most of her growing up years. As a teenager, she was a spitfire who boasted about having quite a few friends who were boys. But once she met my dad, it didn’t take long to say “I do.” She had just turned 18, and my dad was just 21, when they tied the knot. Their marriage lasted almost 56 years, though not without quite a few painful twists and turns. Through it all, my mom stood pretty firm. She had a way of seeing the world and expected almost everyone else to see it her way. I loved my mom, but she was a stubborn woman.

As the middle of five children, I was the born peacemaker. I wanted everyone to get along. I didn’t like fighting…between mom and dad, brother to brother, or even with my sister. My usual way of handling conflict was hiding or running, or lashing out with hurtful words. One of the first sayings I remember my mom telling me: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” She didn’t always live by that motto, but it’s one I’ve tried to use, especially since joining social media. It’s an early lesson I heard that I’m most grateful for.

The book of Proverbs is full of advice similar to my mom’s (and I’m sure she didn’t know it at the time) – “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19)… “The mouth of the righteous is a well of life…” (Proverbs 10:11a)… “The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom…” (Proverbs 10:31a). When I get frustrated with the hate and vitriol spewing forth on television and the internet, I try to keep my mouth shut. I’m not always successful. More than anything, I want my lips to speak wisdom…my words to be encouragement…my mouth to speak life into a world that desperately needs words of hope and grace. O Lord, let me hear my mama’s voice one more time: “Kris…if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”