Tag Archives: disappointment

Birthday Presence

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Birthday cake to share with my Troy Mills JAM friends. And I wore the right color sweater!

Today’s the day. I made it. Born on this day in 1960, today I turn 60. Quite a milestone, actually, and one I do not take lightly. Thank you for reaching out to me through social media, texts, cards, in-person visits, and phone calls. I am blessed to have an amazing family and many wonderful friends, near and far. I’ve heard “Happy Birthday” from places like Istanbul, Brazil, and South Africa, as well as states coast to coast. I’ve received beautiful cards with heartfelt sentiments, flowers, coffee, cake, and time spent with family and friends. Those are my birthday presents.

But my goal today is to have birthday presence. To listen, to observe, to acknowledge those in my circle of influence; to be present wherever I am. Life is short. I don’t have time to mess around anymore. I’ve got to be about the important work God has given me to do…and I can’t do it if I’m not present. I can’t stayed mired in regrets, disappointment, and unforgiveness based in the past. My eyes are fixed forward.

I may not be in Istanbul with my sister, but I want to be present with her, listening to her stories, encouraging her in her adventures. I want to give her my presence (even when I can’t be physically present). I want to learn and grow through the expertise and stories of my co-workers, I want to be encouraged by the acts of kindness I witness on my daily walks, or in the grocery store line, or through a Facebook post. I want to share stories of triumph and victory, as well as mistakes and failures.

It sounds a bit arrogant but I want to give my presence to my youth group, the next generation of leaders, teachers, scientists, writers, pastors, artists, mothers, fathers. I don’t mean I’m the greatest person ever – but I know these students need someone outside of their family dedicated to loving them, listening to them….

I want to be a better aunt, sister, mom, wife…and I think if I commit to being present wherever I am, that’ll be a good start. May mean putting the phone and remote down, turning off the music, closing the book, turning my eyes and ears away from distractions and then, connecting.

Focus – my word for 2020 – is taking on deeper meaning, just two weeks into the year. Here’s to greater days yet to come and even more birthday presence.save-image

 

Day 17 – Who Are You?

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Do you remember The Who’s song “Who Are You?” I’m old enough to know it from the initial release in 1978 (high school graduation year) but I sing it more because it was the opening theme song for the “CSI” TV series. Of course, I only know the opening lines: Who are you? Who, who, who, who?…repeat indefinitely. You are now singing it in your head, aren’t you? You’re welcome.

But this could also be my theme song every day…or at least a question I should ask myself frequently. Who are you, Kris…who, who, who, who?

Who are you when:

  • you stub your toe in the dark
  • that crazy driver cuts you off on the interstate
  • someone unfriends you on Facebook
  • you bomb that job interview
  • there are 20 people in the only open Wal-Mart checkout lane
  • a mole wreaks havoc through your lawn
  • an “overdraft” notice arrives
  • your identity information is hacked
  • ugly rumors about your pastor reach your ears
  • your husband watches TV while you clean the house
  • the church committee didn’t ask for your help
  • your favorite (fill in the blank) comes up missing
  • a deer sideswipes your car
  • you get caught by the red light cameras
  • you miss a deadline
  • the scale shows five pounds more than yesterday
  • the dishwasher floods the kitchen

We don’t need more examples…pretty sure you get my drift.

Who I am is what’s on the inside that comes out during times of stress, or disappointment, or rejection, or pain, or normal living of your everyday life. Although I love being on the mountain top, I become the real “me” in the valleys of life. And sometimes, I don’t like what comes out of me. Sometimes I see the ugliness of gossip, shame, condemnation, rejection, self-hate, and impatience.

However, I want to welcome these wake up calls. Because if I don’t see the yuck inside occasionally, I won’t ever be able to clean my house. If I don’t recognize the nastiness inside, I’ll keep going along, thinking I’m just fine, so fine.

Don and I had a wonderful mentor who told us often:

“CharacteCB063014r is what happens when someone tips over your coffee cup.”

Who are you? I hope you find out today.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

I Can’t Say No

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Just say no

Day 10 – Giving Up My Overcommitment Tendency

Today’s post is about those of us who overcommit. We can’t seem to say “no” to anything or anyone. Why is that? I’ve thoughtfully come up with a few reasons…

Reason #1 – Sometimes I overcommit to things because I don’t want to miss out on anything or feel left out. That may be my insecurity creeping in again. “I have to help with that funeral dinner because I may learn something about someone I didn’t know,” or “I’ll be the assistant to the assistant to the WM Director because then I’ll feel important.” Now I may not verbalize these things, but they could be an underlying concern.

Reason #2 – I don’t want people to be disappointed with me. Every single day I struggle with this one. I mean it. Every. Day. I like to be the “fixer” in relationships. That’s prideful. I admit it. I think I have everything together so I’ll fix whatever is wrong with you. Holy buckets! That was hard to write. But so true. I’m really working on this one. Trying to let people be themselves, make mistakes, and even be disappointed in me. In Elsa’s famous words – “let it go.”

Reason #3 – I have a hard time saying “no” without feeling guilty (Reference yesterday’s blog about giving up guilt). Liking people + not liking confrontation = peacemaker with insecurity issues. Maybe it’s a middle child thing. No matter the cause, I almost always say “yes” when someone asks me to fill in, do this, do that. But I’m learning and I’m going to do better. Don’t call me.

I do like to help people when they’re in need. And what I’m doing I really enjoy. I was trying to write specific things I’ve done to give assistance but I don’t want people to think I’m picking on them for asking me for help. Please – that’s not what this is about. This is about me…ha. Now – that really sounds good, doesn’t’ it.

This isn’t about multi-tasking or juggling necessary functions in life. What it all boils down to is creating margin in my life. Margins on a sheet of printed paper are useful. First, they look good. They give the printed page a nice area to be set apart. Secondly, you can fill those margins with little notes or doodles as you need to. Adds a little flair to the whole page. But if you print your life from the very edge on the left to the very edge on the right, top to bottom…you don’t have anywhere to doodle. Analogy aside, margin allows you the ability to be flexible so if something really does need to be done, you have the time, energy, resources and strength to take care of it. Ultimately I need to stop committing to every request so I can create a little space to relax and enjoy life.

This blog reflects what I’ve especially been dealing with today. No more overcommitting. Whatever I’ve said “yes” to in the past, I’ll follow through with. That’s what my mom and dad taught me. But I’m going to re-think future commitments because life’s too short to print to the very edge.