Tag Archives: control

Control is a Trap

control IGControl. Those who don’t have it, want it; and those who have it, want more. No one seems to want less control. But in reality, we don’t have the control we think we have, and certainly can’t hold onto it as we age. Control is a slippery and brutal beast. It will rip out your heart, even as you grasp at it’s greasy tail. Control will lure you with promises of riches, happiness, and popularity. But it’s a trap. Life is full of things we have no control over, and with no hope of gaining that edge.

For example, when I realized I was pregnant with my first child, I bought the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” An avid reader, I devoured the wonderful words of advice and information within it’s 300+ pages. What the author failed to mention: My kid did not read this book before he was born. All that I “expected,” all that I sought to control, went right out the window before the little bugger made his appearance. I should have seen it coming – my labor and delivery was epic…as in awful, unpredictable, and without a shred of control. Though David was a wonderful baby, he never wanted to go to sleep. Tried everything short of allowing him to scream all night.  I will not bore you with more stories of my beautiful baby boy, but it didn’t take long for me to realize who was actually in control, and it wasn’t me or Don.

Last week we visited Don’s sweet mom and saw the awful ravages of dementia. She has no control over what she can remember or who will take care of her. Those around her love her well, but there is no illusion of control for her.

As the end of 2019 approaches, I decided to share another wisdom tidbit.

If someone else says it well, you don’t need to try to improve it.

So, as I contemplate the topic of “control,” I decided to tap into the already-published wisdom of Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of the best-seller “It’s All Under Control.” Reading Jennifer’s book was very freeing for me, filled with wonderful insights into control, how to let it go, how to hang on, and how to give it all to God, the One who controls all things. Jennifer produced a thought-provoking printable about what we actually CAN control and I have it posted by my desk. May be time to print it again for the new year.

Can Control (1)

Attitude is Everything

I’m having a Monday. Yes, I know it IS Monday, but somehow this one seems a little more Monday-ish. Maybe it’s because I’m fresh off a couple of vacation days. Maybe because I’m trying to get through my emails, prioritizing which ones really are as important as they seem to think they are. No matter the reason, it’s true. Mondays can be rough. And my attitude shows it.

No_Whining_Zone

I’m noticing a trend recently. Bad attitude = bad day. Good attitude = good day. Easy math there. If I choose to smile before I answer the phone, the caller doesn’t seem to get on my nerves. If I choose to be helpful to a co-worker, I feel a little better about myself. Of course, stuff happens. Sometimes those callers are just plain mean. But instead of getting all whiny and grumpy, I can CHOOSE to be positive. It does take some intentional thought processes, but it can be done.

Recently, I’ve encountered an individual who complains about everything. (No, it probably isn’t you…this person doesn’t know I have a blog…probably wouldn’t recognize herself anyway). After trying to figure out a computer form, she called to get help…which was happily given. She was determined to find fault with the system. It couldn’t possibly be human error – it had to be a computer issue. Well, as you’ve probably guessed, it was human error. And once that was diagnosed (and fixed), she launched into a long diatribe on the evils of change, how valuable her time was, how terrible blah, blah, blah.

This was a wake up call for me. How often do I complain and whine about situations beyond my control? How many people have heard my sighs of frustration or observed my grumpy face? How often do I blame someone or something else, when I’m the one at fault?

If I’m to be a reflection of Jesus then I better get a few things straightened out. My attitude is at the top of the list. And I know I can do it. Through Christ, all things are possible. As my friend Jennifer Dukes Lee says, “We are not powerless. Great freedom comes when we let go of what we CAN’T control, and rise up to take charge of what we CAN.”

Can Control (1)

 

 

Monday, Monday…So Good to Me

Ever have a song stuck in your head? Or just a few phrases of a song? This one is in my head every Monday morning. The song is from 1966, sung by The Mamas and the Papas, and is so catchy that you can’t help but sing along…for a while. It’s a sad song, if you really pay attention to the lyrics, but it’s just so addictive.

Just try not to sing as you read these lyrics:

Monday, Monday, so good to me
Monday mornin´, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday mornin´, Monday mornin´ couldn’t guarantee
That Monday evenin´ you would still be here with me
Monday, Monday, can´t trust that day
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday mornin´ you gave me no warnin´ of what was to be
Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me
Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
And-you can find me cryin´ all of the time

 

Did you find yourself crying this Monday morning? That Daylight Saving Time thing may have done a number on you. Maybe your weekend didn’t live up to your expectations. Maybe you’re facing a long week of hard work, or no work.

No matter what your Monday is looking like, there is hope. God loves you. He thinks you’re delightful. And you matter to Him.

Monday is just one day – don’t let it eat your lunch. Tell yourself the truth – you are fearfully and wonderfully madeyou are created in the image of God – God is always your fortress, your refuge, your strong tower, who will never abandon you. Tell Monday to chill –  you and God have got this.

Gods_Got_It

P.S. Mondays aren’t nearly as difficult since I read my friend Jennifer Dukes Lee’s book “It’s All Under Control.” Some wonderful insights for control freaks, or if you think you have to be in control to be successful. You can purchase it at any of your favorite book places. One of my Top 10 books ever!

Day 13 – Connected and Disconnected

“What technology are you grateful for?”

I remember pre-microwaves, pre-Internet, pre-home computers, and pre-flat screen TVs. I remember when you had to watch your favorite TV show the first time, because there was no guarantee it would ever be on again. We did have reruns, but no way to know when a particular show would re-air. I remember when social media consisted of picking up the party line and listening to your neighbor’s conversations. I remember when I got to use one of the four electric typewriters in my Typing class in high school for one quarter. Otherwise, we were stuck with the manual ones. I remember being so excited when my uncle had a console color television delivered to our house for Christmas one year. Color TV! Oh yeah, we were so cool. I remember when my parents had their kitchen remodeled and it included a flat cook top and double oven. I remember when we got a really long cord on our home phone so I could sit in the living room and talk to my friends. I remember when my brothers would call on the holidays and we would pass around the long-corded handset to each family member in attendance.  I remember taking a dime (and later, a quarter) to my high school basketball games so I could use the pay phone to call my mom to come get me. If I forgot the quarter, I just called “collect.” Do they even offer collect calls anymore? Do they even have pay phones?

Me_phone

Not proud that I held that phone throughout the whole wedding reception. Taking pictures was my excuse.

Technology has improved our lives dramatically…and yet, complicated them as well. No longer do we gather around one phone handset to talk to family members. We each stare at our own phones, texting our holiday greetings in words and not voices. When I was growing up, my dad and I talked about movies and actors and who starred in which TV series and when.  Now we wouldn’t need to debate those things – we have the IMDb app to prove our opinion.

 

Of course, I could go on and on. Most of you can remember what life was like prior to the expansion of  technology in the last 50 years. In many ways, I miss the simplicity of life then, but I don’t think I’d turn in my iPhone to go back. I enjoy being able to connect with my friends and far away family on Facebook or to talk/text my kids in far away places at any time (without calling “collect” – I don’t think they’d accept). I enjoy watching my niece dance on live Instagram. I like checking in with my husband multiple times of the day, just to say “Love You” with a little heart emoji.

I certainly don’t want to lose the ease of keyboarding on a laptop from a coffee shop, blogging my thoughts about technology, or life, or gratitude. I like Amazon and Google and dictionary.com.  I need my flash drives because my memory isn’t what it used to be. I’m attached to my e-reader and touchscreen laptop. Though I receive too many, I enjoy reading my emails and shopping online.

So I guess it comes down to balance. Keeping perspective about the old ways and adapting to new ways. The expansion of ways to “know” things has expanded beyond our ability to keep up. If you read all day, you wouldn’t be able to digest the amount of words being written just on the msn home page alone.

Technology will never replace sitting down around the kitchen table for a meal with my family. Cyber hugs will never be as satisfying as real ones. Maybe we should determine to put down our technology once in awhile, and connect the old fashioned way – face to face, not FaceTime. Mano y mano, not selfies. Rants around the water cooler, not anonymously on Twitter. Coffee in a real cup  listening with actual ears, to flesh-and-blood people in need of real connection.

I challenge you to leave your phone at home the next time you go out with friends. Who’s going to call you anyway? You can check the game scores later. Technology is here to stay, but you still control how much it controls you.