Daughters of My Heart

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I love being a boy mom. My husband’s family is full, full, full of boys and we continued the trend with two of our own. But, I’ll be honest, there were days I wondered what it would be like to have a daughter. I imagined tea parties, dress up dates, chick-flicks and drama queens. I never missed the drama queen part, but I know, from being one, that daughters have a special relationship with their moms. I can dream about sweet and happy times because I never had a daughter. And I have friends with daughters – so I’ve heard horror stories, along with the good times. But God heard what I never even expressed and now I have two daughters…daughters of my heart.

Don and I prayed for these girls way before we ever knew them. We prayed for our sons’ future wives…that they would know and love God, desire to serve and follow Him; that they would be prepared by their own parents to be the wives my sons would need. I asked God to give me daughters I would love with my whole heart, and who would love me in return. I learned a lot about mother- and daughter-in-law relationships in my own marriage and I hoped to be the type of “other” mother my girls would want to spend time with…and that I could encourage and love them as I would want to be.

God is so good!

Kids_NTB_concert_2017Three years ago my first born married his sweetheart…someone we had known almost her whole life. Though they started dating after David’s high school graduation, he and Tristen had been friends for many years. They are a lovely couple and we are so blessed to have Tristen in our family. She loves and supports my son wholeheartedly, and embraces life’s challenges with a bravery I find inspiring. I love her so.

This June, my youngest son Sean will marry his girlfriend. They started dating while in high school and have worked hard to make their relationship a priority. Ellie is a beautiful young woman who seems to enjoy hanging out with our crazy family, even as we argue such earth-shattering topics as “is a hot dog a sandwich?” She’s the quietest one among us, but gives amazing hugs and listens well. I love her so.

Now I’ll have two daughters. Girls I didn’t raise but have loved for so many years. Those two girls took me for my first pedicure and introduced me to sushi, so careful to help me pick out something I would like. They love ethnic food – just like me, and they’ve helped my boys get outside their food comfort zone. They laugh with us, cry with us, eat my food and even though neither one are particularly sports fans, they endure hours of McGarvey family sports watching. They have been a part of family road trips since my concert obsession began, and the three of us have already had one girls’ day out to Galena. Much more fun to come.Girls_Galena_2017

I’m so grateful that God heard the silent cry of my heart for daughters…and He selected the perfect ones for me (and my sons’ too, of course).

Rejoice!

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I have the privilege of conducting the kids’ sermon each Sunday at our church. We have some amazing kids who seem to enjoy coming up front for “their” time. Since I try to keep the message about 5 to 8 minutes long, it’s important for it to be simple, easy to understand and applicable to the kids’ lives. And the first Sunday of each month, I have the kids (and adults) memorize a Bible verse.

Today we memorized Philippians 4:4…”Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

Rejoice scripture

Short and simple, right? The verse itself is short, but the message is deep. The writer of the book of Philippians was the Apostle Paul, and he was composing this letter to the church in Philippi while sitting in prison. He had been unjustly imprisoned, accused by his enemies, and falsely charged. But even so, he was telling other believers to “Rejoice!”

I told the kids the definition of “rejoice” is to feel or show great joy or delight. How could Paul rejoice while sitting in prison, with good reason to feel despondent? Because Paul knew he wasn’t rejoicing in his outward circumstances, he was rejoicing…finding great joy and delight…in God. He knew that no matter what happened to him physically, Jesus was always with him.

My study Bible note on this verse says “It’s easy to get discouraged about unpleasant circumstances or to take unimportant events too seriously.” But we need to remember where to place our hope and trust…in the God who will never leave you or forsake you, who is your rock and refuge, a very present help in times of trouble. Rejoice in that!

Managing Your Investments

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I know absolutely nothing about investments – at least the financial kind. But I work very, very hard on the relationship kind. I spent a fortune this weekend – but my return was about triple my investment, so I’m flying high right about now.

I invested in three types of relationships in the last 24 hours.

f4bea308-903e-4bc2-a206-7474aa061fd4First, my husband and I drove about 3 hours, from Iowa to Illinois, so I could eat dinner with eight of my high school classmates. The distance wasn’t an issue – we were happy to do it.  The girls in my Class of 1978 are amazing women – and for the last few years we’ve worked hard to find time to spend together. We’ve done Galena days, class reunions, and random dinner Girls’ Night Out. Not everyone can make every time, but we do what we can, making those relationships a priority. As I mentioned in a prior blog, one of our classmates is facing a long health battle and we wanted to make sure she knew she was not alone, we will stand with her and her husband as they fight the good fight. It was a night filled with the joy of life long friendships. We caught up on each others’ lives, grandchildren (or not), memory issues, and discussed what other classmates were doing. A few tears were shed too, as we talked about life and death, disappointments and joys. Not many of us have both our parents any more and those that do realize the privilege that is still theirs. We prayed for our friend, hugged over and over again, and laughed until our sides hurt. I think the people around us in the restaurant were amused. At least I hope so.

Don and I also invested in each other. He made the huge sacrifice of sitting for hours in our little car, driving through brown countryside, just so he could spend time with me. He worked in the hotel room while I met up with my girlfriends, but I was so happy, knowing he was waiting for me. We love our kids, but we are enjoying our empty nest and time devoted to each other. We don’t always fill the time with conversation – sometimes just quietly being together is enough.

And lastly, this afternoon, I spent a couple of hours investing in 11 middle and high school girls. They aren’t my own flesh and blood, but they are loved like my own. We took over three bowling lanes and had lots of laughs, gutter balls, strikes and spares, prizes and pizza. No one was the greatest bowler, but that wasn’t the purpose. Sometimes it’s just fun to get outside the church and do stuff together…see each other in a different environment. I wanted those around us to see kids who are healthy and kind, honestly enjoying each others’ company. I so appreciated the parents who stayed to help me “supervise.” I am blessed to have good new friends and good old friends.

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Are you managing your investments well? Spending time with those people that matter most in your life? Investing and mentoring our youth? Providing a healthy, godly role model for those that desperately need to see adults who love and respect them? Do you still have parents or other elderly relatives that would dearly love your attention? How much time do you commit in maintaining your marriage and parental relationships? Just a few questions I keep asking myself as I try to manage my investments.

I’m Proud of Myself, and That’s Not a Good Thing

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Taking a long look in the mirror today. Probably should do it more often. I have a problem and except for God, no one can help me solve it. My problem is pride.

img_2356As a wife, mom, ministry leader, co-worker, I need to know about a lot of things. People count on me to keep track of details and schedules, managing minuscule bits of information for later retrieval. The problem is I think I need to know a lot about everything…things that are none of my business. I think about how I would solve a certain problem, and tell others my way. I think about how I would respond to someone’s issue, and then communicate it, even though it’s none of my concern. I poke my nose into other people’s problems and most are too nice to tell me to “butt out.”

I have a tendency to think my way of doing things, saying things, thinking things, is always the best way. Pride is a beautiful, ugly monster. The two-sided coin of believing in myself, but knowing I am but clay in the hands of the Master Potter. My trust cannot be in my own abilities, but in the Creator God who formed me in my mother’s womb. Ego is necessary for life…but without that mirror of self-reflection, it becomes a weapon of destruction.

Dan Rockwell writes a daily leadership blog that I find fascinating. His blog on the 10 Practices of Humility for Egotistical Leaders is one I need to read at least once a month. Probably should post it around my house and office too. He begins with the six symptoms of egotistical leadership…things like: ego thinks “I” and “me”…ego can’t be wrong…ego dismisses criticism and correction…and my personal favorite (cringe)…ego listens with a personal agenda. “What’s in it for me? How does this make me look? Who can I blame?”

So today I’m looking in the mirror – truly seeing the pride that has become a problem in all facets of my life and asking God to forgive me, give me a new heart of humility, to serve others before myself, to show Jesus to the people I’m surrounded by every day. I pray He shows me people I need to apologize to – for offending them – even unintentionally. I’m hoping He gives me opportunity to shine His light on others. Am I self-serving or others-serving? Because if I’m a leader, a co-worker, wife, mom, or “whatever” – I need to think “you”…not “me.”

Pride

 

 

 

I Appreciate You!

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img_2350I know I was raised in a different era. No cell phones, no Instagram, no social media outside of a party line. Don’t know what a party line is? Google it. Oh yes, no Google, either. Side note: Google would have saved so many arguments in my family. And IMDb – my dad and I “discussed” movies, actors, etc. ad nauseam. That little app would have come in so handy. I digress…

One of the skills my mom instilled in me, and I attempted to instill in my boys, was to write thank you notes. After receiving Christmas and birthday gifts, I provided kid-friendly cards for them to write a short little “Thank you for the…” They did it (eventually), but it was a battle most of the time. It wasn’t that they weren’t grateful. But the process of actually putting pen (or pencil) to paper was agonizing. Like I was asking them to rake the yard with a toothbrush. Tears, grumbling, scowls, sometimes outright defiance. I’d find their little stack (five, at most) hidden in their school work or under a stack of magazines. “Oh, I thought I finished those.”

I tried to make it easier (at least on the postman) – I wrote the names and addresses. Then I wrote out a sample of what to say…eventually it was, “Just write one sentence. Just one sentence. It’s almost March!” And then- I gave up. It wasn’t worth it. The battle had worn me down. I went from insistent that they provide a hand-written note to “just call Grandma and tell her you like the sweatshirt.” Just an acknowledgement of her act of kindness.

Fast forward 15 years – I know longer worry about my kids’ notes of appreciation. They thank me all the time for things I’ve done for them, or gifts I’ve given. But more importantly, I know they have a grateful heart.

Those excruciating sessions of writing thank you notes taught me one thing: showing appreciation, saying (or writing) “thank you” isn’t always easy, but it’s always necessary. Maybe not for yourself, but for the person who is on the receiving end. My mom (and mother-in-law) were thrilled to receive those painstakingly printed notes. They knew I forced the kids to write them, but I’d still see those little smudged letters pinned to a bulletin board or affixed with a magnet to a refrigerator. Everyone appreciates being appreciated.

We all have people in our lives who would love to receive a little recognition…an acknowledgement that they are not forgotten. Think of it as sparking joy without emptying your house. Surprise someone with a text or phone call. What a wonderful way to fill your Facebook or Instagram feed with love and good will. Take a moment today to tell someone “thank you.” Or go the old-fashioned way and write a note. The post office still sells stamps.

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Be Brave

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Running

4th of July race in Cedar Rapids

Though I’ve announced I’ll soon end my tutoring “career,” I’m continuing with my brave adventures. Wish the weather would cooperate.

I’ll soon be back out on the trails, taking those long walks, getting back into some sort of running shape so I can tackle a 10K this year. A year ago I said I’d do a different length race each year. I’ve done plenty of 5Ks so there is no challenge left there (I guess if I cared about speed, I could work on that, but I don’t). After completing a 10K, I’m looking at a pretty big milestone for this late-in-life runner…in the year I turn 60, I want to run a half-marathon. Some would say I’m stupid (that may be the voice in my head, I’m not sure)…I choose to say I’m being brave.

To me, bravery is facing the giants in our lives…no matter if they are just in our heads. What do I fear? What do I see as insurmountable? What do I see as impossible? Do I allow my age to hold me back from potential adventures? Do I think it’s too late to try some new things? Not yet.

I’ve got a few things in the works to stretch my “fear factor” but I’m not going to allow the argument “I’ve never done this before” to be the deciding factor. Now, I’m not silly. I know my limitations physically. I won’t be taking up any extreme sports or gladiator challenges. Not yet anyway.

I hope you are cheering on those around you who are venturing out of their comfort zones to take up new exploits. My inner cheerleader shouts encouragement when I see my friends stand up and go forth and conquer fear.

I hope YOU are taking up new things. Maybe it’s beginning a fitness program, or letting go of an addiction, or learning a new skill. Don’t allow fear or insecurity keep you from reaching out and grabbing all that God has in front of you to do. I’ll be cheering you on!!

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Saying Goodbye to a Season of Life

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The time isn’t right quite yet, but I’ll soon be finished with my second career.

In December 2010, I started researching second jobs. I was a part time receptionist but needed to make some extra money without investing a lot of extra time. I never really considered a life of crime so robbing a bank was out, as were other more nefarious options.

Somehow I came across a website that offered tutoring services for a variety of subjects, and they needed tutors. After more research I realized I could do this. I was still homeschooling my youngest son at the time, but I knew a bit about a variety of subjects so I thought I’d give it a shot. After taking a bunch of subject knowledge tests on their website, I signed on with WyzAnt to be a tutor.

WyzAnt ProfileI set up my profile, selected which subjects I wanted to offer, picked my hourly fee, and sent it live to the WyzAnt website. They did the rest. It was one of the best spur of the moment decisions I have ever made.

For the last 8 plus years I’ve tutored many, many students…as young as 3rd grade and as old as a guy who wanted to learn Microsoft Office computer skills to get a better job. I’ve tutored a young high school drop out who was working to get her GED and a high school junior studying for her ACT who probably should have been tutoring me.

Though I qualified to tutor over 20 different subjects, most of my students needed assistance in math (of some sort) or preparation for their ACT. I’ve taught elementary girls discouraged over learning multiplication facts to Division 1 athletes and scholars who wanted to increase their ACT scores by five points – all needed the same thing. Someone to believe in them, to cheer them on, to tell them “you can do it!” And even when I don’t know the subject matter as well (Algebra 2 – yuck), I can always encourage someone to dig deep, work hard and be successful. I only had one student (actually, her mom) come back and ask for a refund. Let’s just say it was a mutual decision not to continue our tutoring relationship. That particular student didn’t need a cheerleader.

But the vast majority – 99.9% – were amazing kids. Each one holds a special place in my heart and I can recall wonderful stories about our times together. I loved seeing the light bulb go off when they “got it” or a text from their mom saying they jumped 8 points in their ACT. I bonded with each one, loved working with them, helping them reach their goals. Sometimes we met once, twice, three times – a few students I had over the course of a year, and two or three I continued into a 2nd year. I’ve kept up with some of them into college. The beauty of social media. My current student is in 5th grade and we started when she was a little 3rd grader. When she’s ready to move on without a tutor, I’ll retire.

But tonight, she still needs me. We’ll play math games, review multiplication and division, learn some more tips and tricks on adding and subtracting fractions…and I’ll listen to her tell me about her day, her friends, her wise view of life as a 5th grade girl. She’ll wiggle in her chair, drop her pencil, jump up and show me her latest ballet move. And I’ll laugh with her, and think about how much my life has been enriched because I took a little side job 8 years ago.

 

Attitude is Everything

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I’m having a Monday. Yes, I know it IS Monday, but somehow this one seems a little more Monday-ish. Maybe it’s because I’m fresh off a couple of vacation days. Maybe because I’m trying to get through my emails, prioritizing which ones really are as important as they seem to think they are. No matter the reason, it’s true. Mondays can be rough. And my attitude shows it.

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I’m noticing a trend recently. Bad attitude = bad day. Good attitude = good day. Easy math there. If I choose to smile before I answer the phone, the caller doesn’t seem to get on my nerves. If I choose to be helpful to a co-worker, I feel a little better about myself. Of course, stuff happens. Sometimes those callers are just plain mean. But instead of getting all whiny and grumpy, I can CHOOSE to be positive. It does take some intentional thought processes, but it can be done.

Recently, I’ve encountered an individual who complains about everything. (No, it probably isn’t you…this person doesn’t know I have a blog…probably wouldn’t recognize herself anyway). After trying to figure out a computer form, she called to get help…which was happily given. She was determined to find fault with the system. It couldn’t possibly be human error – it had to be a computer issue. Well, as you’ve probably guessed, it was human error. And once that was diagnosed (and fixed), she launched into a long diatribe on the evils of change, how valuable her time was, how terrible blah, blah, blah.

This was a wake up call for me. How often do I complain and whine about situations beyond my control? How many people have heard my sighs of frustration or observed my grumpy face? How often do I blame someone or something else, when I’m the one at fault?

If I’m to be a reflection of Jesus then I better get a few things straightened out. My attitude is at the top of the list. And I know I can do it. Through Christ, all things are possible. As my friend Jennifer Dukes Lee says, “We are not powerless. Great freedom comes when we let go of what we CAN’T control, and rise up to take charge of what we CAN.”

Can Control (1)

 

 

DIY Sunday

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Spent a fun few hours at a new local business staining, sanding, painting, and waxing. According to their Facebook page. Board and Brush Creative Studio is “a place for creating fun and unique wood decor projects from scratch while enjoying a fun instructor led atmosphere.”

My two friends and I spent the whole three hours admiring all the beautiful examples on the walls, while completing our own projects. So many colors and designs. It was hard to decide what to do for ourselves…

Our table instructor, Hannah, is a junior in high school and so knowledgeable and confident in leading us from plain pine board to finished product. She was incredible. I never felt overwhelmed though looking back on the day, I did a lot I had never done before. Definitely learned some new things today.

Working hard or hardly working – I’m not telling.

I had creative license in choosing the project, the stain and paint colors and never felt pressured. If I hate it (I don’t), it would be my own fault. Each step was communicated well so it would be hard to mess up anything.

My BIG project complete

Music, refreshments, fun with friends, some personalized wall decor for my kitchen – pretty wonderful afternoon. Can’t wait to go back.

Our finished bonus projects

Stretching Your Brain

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It’s a sunny Saturday. I’ve already been out for tea at the local coffee shop with my friend, and walked through WalMart getting a few necessaries. We have a birthday party to drop into this afternoon and another errand or two to get done before the day slips away. The pork shoulder is humming along in the Crock Pot and I’m learning how to upload my first video on YouTube.

Uh – what?

Yes – I am almost in my 60s and I’m learning something new today. Don and I try to learn new things every day…maybe not all as ambitious as establishing a YouTube channel and uploading videos, but new to us, nonetheless. We enjoy learning new vocabulary words, especially those that we can use in sermons or conversations. We enjoy using new vegetables in our cooking, or trying new recipes. We cooked bangers and mash for the first time on St. Patrick’s Day.

Recently Don learned more than he wanted to about home repair. Maybe not his favorite activity, but he did it and admits he learned a lot. Installing new windows, creating window wells, fixing sump pumps, replacing a ceiling fan and faucet…Admittedly, the learning is more enjoyable when you choose it, rather than it choosing you.

Rotary phoneSome of us think we’re too old (or too dumb) to learn new things, but I think that’s either a lie you’ve believed or a lazy way to live life. I’m sure you don’t still have a rotary dial telephone or a TV without a remote control. Along the line you’ve learned to use an electric stove and a gas washer and dryer. Maybe you’re really daring, using a smartphone with wifi, sharing iPhone photos of the grandkids on Facebook.

We all must learn new things every day or we’ll die. We’ll be left in the dust of technology and we’ll be boring in conversations. I found a fun and informative blog from a few years ago that shows why new things will enliven our lives, and ways to learn new things  right now via apps and the internet…ways to keep your brain alive and alert. YouTube is full of how-to tutorials, from how to upload your first video (that’s me!) to how to tie a tie or make slime. There are DIY channels to learn a new home or cooking skill, books to read on herbs to plant or window boxes to make. I’m not talking about learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument. It’s the small, incremental steps that make your life interesting…it all starts with making the choice. And NOT believing the lie that you can’t because of…(insert your excuse).

Worst enemyWhat new thing will you learn today?