Category Archives: Reflections on Life

The Double-Edged Sword of Influence

Double-EdgedSword

We all have it. Some more than others but, unless you live alone in a cave without any human interaction, you have influence with someone. How you use it can define your legacy.

First, a few questions…

  • Do you show kindness to the harried grocery clerk?
  • Do you drive as though you own the road?
  • Do you discipline your children with respect or anger?
  • Do you roll your eyes when asked the same question multiple times?
  • Do you belittle someone and say “I’m just joking?”
  • Do you give a little extra tip to the hard-working restaurant worker?
  • Have you ever paid for a stranger’s meal or coffee?

The influence you wield can encourage, exhort and enlighten. It can empower others to action…brighten the lives of the less-fortunate…embolden the spirits of the downtrodden. Your influence – my influence – is a powerful weapon for good, but unfortunately, it can also be used for evil purposes.

  • If you can encourage, then you can demean.
  • If you can empower, then you can reject.
  • If you can build up, then you can tear down.
  • If you can enrich, you can also impoverish,
  • If you can assist someone, you can destroy someone.

We can influence others with our speech or our actions. Usually our intentions are obvious in our body language or tone of voice. How you say something usually supersedes what you actually said. Emojis can offer intent but don’t replace the real deal…

So, be careful where you point that thing called influence. Like a light saber in the hands of a Jedi master, hone your positive influence skills. Be patient with others, give grace whenever possible, show love and mercy, demonstrate forgiveness, allow the fruit of the Spirit to hang low on your influence tree. Be salty and shine bright.

Color My World

spring-flowers

The original intention for this blog was to encourage you to wear more color. The drab days of winter are over and with the arrival of spring, I thought it’s about time we began wearing greens and yellows and reds and blues…just to liven things up a bit. But while doing a few Google searches, I found that my little title “Color My World” brought some interesting websites to my attention.

There were websites about harp music, humanitarian efforts, and video games. I found a set of 13 individual stamps, a multi-stone engagement ring and heat transfer papers – all entitled “Color My World.” But a couple of entries stood out…namely:

Colour My World” is the name of a song by the 1970s pop group “Chicago.” For someone who grew up in the 70s, it was a little flashback to my high school days. And the lyrics, though catchy, were not exactly cerebral.

“As time goes on, I realize just what you mean to me. And now, now that you’re near, promise your love that I’ve waited to share…and dreams of our moments together. Color my world with hope of loving you.” 

If you’re looking for depth in lyrics, may want to pass on that one.

color_wheel

Number two – color wheels are pretty. Found a lot of images of color wheels. My graphic design sister tried to tell me how one worked once…I was hopeless. That’s why my walls are plain and I wear a lot of black. But I did find a site that talked about the meaning of different colors. It was fascinating. It made me want to wear red (the color of power, strength and passion) except the St. Louis Cardinals are red and I’m a Cubs fan so I’ll go with Cubbie blue (loyalty, depth, stability and wisdom).

crayons  Lastly – I found a wonderful little website telling about a project to provide art supplies and opportunities to youth in the United States and around the world. The Color My World Project collects discarded crayons from restaurants and donates them to schools, childcare centers, orphanages, etc. And not only do they donate the crayons, the distribution team stays and colors with the kids, teaching about recycling and reducing waste.

So add a little color to your life today. Wear some green on Thursday, and not just for St. Paddy’s Day – green also means growth, harmony and freshness. Happy Spring!

Take a Breather.

pause-and-rest-1

The Monday after spring’s Daylight Saving Time adjustment is rough. For whatever reason, I can handle that first day – maybe it’s because I’m absorbed in church activities all morning. But come Monday – I’m toast. Today I was determined to get in my 6 a.m. workout but the alarm seemed extra loud, and the morning extra dark and damp. Coffee was definitely my best friend all day!

What a great day to be reminded to rest…to take the time to relax my mind, my body and my spirit. The Word of God is full of references to resting – taking a break from work and activity to enjoy the presence of the Lord. As we know, God created the Sabbath as a day of rest – not as a legalistic tool to give us more guilt, shame and condemnation – but a spiritual discipline to develop our relationship with the God of the universe, and the Lover of our souls.

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2

psalm-62-5

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” Jeremiah 6:16

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

No matter the day of the week or the number of hours in your day, God is waiting for you to find your rest in Him…lay your burdens at His feet…put your head in His lap…allow His Spirit to comfort you, refresh you and give you the rest your soul needs today.

lion resting It’s kind of like a God-massage!

#ThankfulThursday

thankfulIf you are at all familiar with social media, you probably recognize #TBT. It stands for “Throwback Thursday.” It’s an opportunity to post a past picture of yourself or people you know. Most are meant to show how far we’ve come, or how beautiful we used to be, or who we used to hang with. Some of those pics cause me to gasp in horror, tear up in memory or laugh in disbelief. I love #TBT. But I’ve decided to start by own Thursday hashtag – #ThankfulThursday – where I take a picture or comment about things for which I’m thankful. Pretty self-explanatory.

Today’s a pretty normal day for me – nothing special happening. I find that on extraspecial days – days with lots of fun activities, or days with friends and family around – I have no problem being filled with thankfulness. But on typical and routine days, it seems to take more thought to find things to be grateful for…but I’m up for the challenge. How about you?

I took a great long walk over my lunch hour, with comfortable shoes, in glorious sunshine, listening to my favorite music, on my nice smartphone. Right there I’ve got at least 9 things to be thankful for: I can walk…I have food for lunch…I have a place to work…I have shoes…I can see and feel the sunshine…I can hear…I have music available to me 24/7…I own a cell phone. Not so hard to be grateful, is it?

When my kids were much younger, and we had long car trips to endure, we came up with games to play to keep ourselves entertained. As a homeschooling mom, I was always looking for ways to teach my kids something, so we called our favorite pastime “The Alphabet Game.” This wasn’t rocket science. We’d come up with a category  like Animals, Food, Cities in the United States, Capitols of the World, and then, starting with A, we tried to think of a item that would fulfill the category. So if the category was Animals, we’d take turns going around and coming up with an animal starting with the letter A. We didn’t allow for duplication, so if I said “aardvaark,” the next person had to say a different animal, until all four of us had played. Some letters were easy…some extremely difficult ( “x” and “q” – ugh). As the boys got older, the categories got harder. On one of our last trips we used the categories “Musicians,” “Musical Trios,” and “Academy Award winning Movies.” Sometimes only Sean and I play, especially if we’re in the front seat together. But it never fails, we always get occasional input from the backseat passengers (i.e.”Queen Latifah” from my husband when I was struggling with musician starting with letter Q).

I’ve come up with a new Alphabet Game category for our next trip…What Are You Thankful For? Starting with A, you must say something you are grateful for. I started playing it in my mind on my walk today.

Big_Daddies       Gyro_Hut

A is for Aromas – I must have passed at least three restaurants that were oozing wonderful smells…barbeque smoke from Big Daddies, the mouthwatering french fry grease smell from Gyro Hut, and grilled hamburgers from Parlor City. What other A things can you come up with?

If you’re having a tough day, take a Thankfulness break. Stop to think of all you have to be grateful for – write them down if you need to remind yourself later. We’re all going through rough patches…financial struggles, health issues, family crisis, depression and sadness everywhere. But a simple but surefire way to combat the hard times, is reminding yourself of the good things…the common things that give us joy and gladness. Make this a real deal #ThankfulThursday.

 

 

 

My Favorite Language

Five_Love_Languages

A number of years ago I helped Don teach a Marriage and Family class for his Masters Commission students. We used the book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” as the textbook. Written by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1995, the Five Love Languages has become a classic, and not just for married couples. Due to the success of the principles in the original, Chapman has re-written the book in relation to children, teenagers, men, singles and people in the military. If you look on the amazon.com website, there are scads of books and other resources using the Five Love Languages premise.

Dr. Chapman’s premise says we, as humans, have a need to be loved and not all of us receive love in the same way. We are all wired differently and speak “love” differently. His five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. This blog isn’t meant to be a summary of these languages. If you really want a good read, pick up a copy. Easy read and possibly life-changing material for improved relationships…

You can’t help but read the book looking for your own personal love language. It didn’t take me long to figure out that my “love tank” was best filled through acts of service. And I come by it honestly. It was my mom’s favorite too – even though she never read the book. My mom felt most loved and appreciated when she could do things for us or when we did things for her. She would come to visit me with her car loaded with food – a large pan of lasagna, cookies, Texas caviar, bags of fruits and vegetables. If she knew we were coming to visit, she made sure she had watermelon ice cream on hand for her two little grandsons or took time to take those same guys for rides on the Gator or play outside with her dog, Keely. Once her health declined, I knew I could make her day by cleaning her house, taking her for a haircut, helping her load up on groceries or visiting her favorite restaurant.

I’m fortunate to have a husband who does so much for me. Most weekday nights he has supper ready when I get home. He cleans and vacuums, does the laundry and dishes, and empties the trash and recycling. Does he love this stuff? No (except maybe the cooking part)…but he loves me, and he knows I feel the love when he does these chores for me.  He knows it “fills my love tank.”

I enjoy showing my love for others by doing small acts of service. Sometimes I don’t feel like it, but that’s when I really need to do it. Because love isn’t easy, it’s intentional. Make the choice to do something you don’t like doing, just to show the love. You’ll be surprised – you’ll be filling someone’s love tank and topping yours off too!

De-Nesting the Empty Nest

Hoarder-clip-art

Now that all the kids are gone, it’s seems like a good time to let go of some stuff. We moved our oldest to his own apartment on Saturday and I wasn’t back home 20 minutes before I had re-arranged the living room and brought a single bed up to his former bedroom. It’s not that I was anxious to see him go (see Saturday’s blog post), but I couldn’t just leave the outline of his double bed in the carpet. Since he’d packed up all his stuff, it was inspiring me to pack up and get rid of a little of my stuff…years’ worth, actually.

My mom passed away 3 years ago and though she suffered a stroke 2 1/2 years prior, she wouldn’t let us declutter her house. She often told me, “Leave my stuff alone. You can do that when I’m gone.” Well – we’re still dealing with her houseful of stuff – mostly items she bought or collected long after her 5 kids were grown and gone. I’ve had to deal with some major resentment issues over her leaving this monumental task to us (mostly my sister, my hero). Sometimes I just want a large box of matches – it would save so much time and energy.

The lesson I’ve learned is GET RID OF YOUR OWN JUNK! Yes – I was shouting. Use every day to get something out of your house…either thrown away, given away or sold…but gone! gone! gone!

It doesn’t have to be a large, unwieldy project. Go through one bag or box each day ~ a shelf in a closet ~ your medicine cabinet ~ your kitchen junk drawer (yes – everyone has one). How about your closet filled with puzzles or games? Donate them to a children’s home or school. Clothes you haven’t worn since the 80s? Pitch them…please. If you need ideas, there are tons of suggestions online.

Spring cleaning is more than washing windows – it’s an opportunity to get the physical, mental and emotional clutter out of your house (and head). And it’s so wonderfully freeing. So many of us are held hostage by our stuff – let it go! Give it up!

Last night I dumped about 5 years’ worth of old Christmas cards. I opened each one, noted the name of the sender, reminisced about that friend or family member and then pitched the card. Long over due but it felt great when I was finished. Tonight? Maybe my bookcase in the living room or the top of my bedroom dresser. In my house, I have no lack of places to tackle. I have accumulated a lot through the years and it’s time…time to de-nest the empty nest.

Be All There

It’s been a crazy hectic day. Items from my “to-do” list have been jumping off the page since I woke up this morning. I skipped my workout (probably not my best decision but I was sooo tired) and snuggled under my electric blanket for an extra hour. Then my wonderful husband made me a hot breakfast…and not warm milk on my cornflakes…a really hot breakfast of scrambled eggs filled with great veggies. He’s a keeper.

But the minute I hit the office doors, it’s been nuts. And as much as I try to multi-task to get more accomplished…less seems to be getting done. So on my 3-mile walk over lunch I came to a conclusion.

I need to be totally present in the moment.

Just today I’ve heard about a co-worker’s husband who has Stage 4 cancer, another co-worker dealing with aging relatives who are sucking every bit of joy out of her life, a long time friend who recently suffered a very debilitating stroke and a friend’s nephew battling through recovery from a heart transplant. Real deal troubles, all of them. They deserve my full attention…so they know they matter to me…so I can pray intelligently. I cannot obey God’s command to “encourage one another” when I’m only listening with a fraction of my attention and staring at my computer screen or smartphone with the rest.

Physically – I need to maintain eye contact with the person speaking to me. I need to show them that what they are telling me is important and worth my time. Mentally – I need to put aside my “gotta get this done right now” list and be all there. Emotionally – I need to empathize and show compassion and kindness.

I know. I know. This doesn’t help me get more off my “to-do” list.  I can’t be everything to everybody. But I can be somebody to someone who needs a shoulder, an ear or a smile. As a believer in Jesus, I’m called to spread His love to those around me. Can’t do it if I’m only partially present…gotta be all there.

be all there

Releasing Expectations

There are just some expectations worth holding on to. Like me, you probably have some expectations which are necessary for an orderly existence. We have expectations that people will follow the law, work for their wages, and treat others with decency. But I’m often disappointed by people who think of themselves first and end up putting others at risk. We’ve all been passed on the interstate by someone going way too fast for conditions, or had someone rudely butt into a line, or watched co-workers repeatedly show up late and leave early from their workplace. Usually this means additional rules made to punish all of us, due to the selfish actions of a few.

We need look no further than the current presidential campaign to see that our assumption of decent public speech and behavior is long gone; replaced with mud-slinging, tirades, and cursing. Candidates call each other horrible names that I wouldn’t allow on a playground, let alone in a public debate. But bullies will be bullies, no matter the venue.

releasing expectations

Every so often I make  the conscious and intentional decision to release my expectations of others. The actual definition of the word “expectation” is the act of looking forward or anticipating something. I have expectations of future happiness and prosperity, expectations of great health and long life. I have expectations that others will play by the rules, treating each other with kindness and concern, being generous in thought, word and deed. But sometimes, I have expectations of others that are often unrealistic so by letting go of them, I free that person to be who they are designed to be. My expectations can sometimes cause them to act in certain ways just to please me, instead of how they would naturally respond.  The act of letting go of my expectations can really be very freeing…emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even sometimes, physically.

 

So today, I release you from any expectation of certain attitudes and behavior and allow the Holy Spirit to be your teacher and guide.  My job is to love you and model what I believe. No more holding you emotionally hostage because you didn’t “measure up” to what I expect. My standards of decency and moral code come from the Word of God – and I hope yours do as well – but you’ll need to determine the appropriateness of your own actions…No more being the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life.

 

The Day After Super-Something Tuesday

17.-Encourage-sunset

Yes, I’m discouraged. Yes, I’m a trifle concerned about our country. Yes, I’m going to keep spreading my opinion about certain presidential candidates. But, no – it is not the end of the world. Because I know Someone who is bigger, stronger and tougher than The Donald. Someone who knows the beginning from the end, Someone who holds the affairs of all nations in the palm of His hand, Someone who isn’t concerned, worried or upset about Super Tuesday. A King who remains on the throne no matter the election results.

Today look away from the talk news channels, steer clear of newspapers touting fear and panic, avoid conversation streams on social media designed to raise your blood pressure.

Turn instead to a few favorite passages in God’s Word:

Romans 15:4 and 5 – For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.

2 Corinthians 13:11 – Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 and 14 – Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing….And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and distruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

Philemon 1:7 – Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.

So today – when you feel low about yesterday’s political results (and most of you who read my stuff feel the same way I do) – turn to the One who knows how it’ll all turn out. Our job is not to worry or fret but to encourage and refresh each other. And pray. That’d be good.

 

 

Red Light, Green Light Is Not Just a Children’s Game

stoplight

I think I ran a red light last night.

Cedar Rapids has many intersections with special “red light cameras” to catch those who run through stoplights. At night, you can see the flash of the camera as it catches the culprit’s car/face/license plate. I’m assuming, if I was caught on camera, I’ll be receiving a friendly note in the mail with an invoice for a fine. My friend who was recently nabbed at the same intersection said the fine is $100. Yikes! There goes my clothing and eating out budget for a couple of months. By the way, my husband was with me and he wasn’t even outwardly upset. Just matter of fact – “You got caught.”

While mulling this over in my mind, I’ve determined a few things. Number one – I will not be pushing the limits of yellow lights anymore. Expensive lesson learned.

Number 2 – If the ticket comes, I’ll be paying it. May need a few more tutoring sessions, but I’m not going to fight it. A couple of Facebook friends thought I should contest the ticket (if it comes), but if I did the crime, then I should face the consequences. What kind of lesson am I sending to my kids and others if I try to “get out of” the punishment I deserve over some small technicality? It’s okay for me to run through a light, but no one else?

Number 3 – Upon further introspection, I am full of pride. I know – you’re pretty sure I’m overthinking this whole deal. But bear with me. If I follow a strict moral code (the Bible), which says there is a definite right and wrong, why should I think I’m “above the law?” If I saw someone else run through that red light, I’d complain about “no cops around when  you need them.” Let’s take this a bit further – I travel faster than the speed limit on the interstate most days. Why? Because I want to get where I’m going as fast as possible. But why do I think I can disregard the speed limit by 5-10 mph, yet judge someone else for going 5 mph more than me? Is my lawbreaking any less wrong than theirs? Where is the end to it all?

Recently I was part of a conversation with a small group of teenagers who were talking about what they would do if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. I was a little surprised, to be honest. They were not concerned about whether the act was “right” or “wrong,” but whether doing the deed was worth the potential consequences.

I’m not naive enough to think every issue in the world is black and white. In fact, there is more and more gray in my life all the time (pun intended), but my job isn’t to push the boundaries of right and wrong. If I’m complaining about the lack of moral character in someone else, then I better be prepared to live the character I want to see in others. And there is no sin judged worse in God’s eyes than any other.  Adultery runs right alongside gluttony…witchcraft next to gossip…murder the same as jealousy and envy.

So my “red light moment” has turned into a day of introspection and repentance. I’m sorry that my actions will cause me to lose some money but so thankful I didn’t cause an accident or injury to myself, my husband or some one else. My driving record may reflect my poor judgment, but I’m more concerned that my living record reflects God’s grace and mercy. Better get my brakes checked because there will be no red-light-running for me.