Category Archives: Reflections on Life

Day 17 – Who Are You?

Do you remember The Who’s song “Who Are You?” I’m old enough to know it from the initial release in 1978 (high school graduation year) but I sing it more because it was the opening theme song for the “CSI” TV series. Of course, I only know the opening lines: Who are you? Who, who, who, who?…repeat indefinitely. You are now singing it in your head, aren’t you? You’re welcome.

But this could also be my theme song every day…or at least a question I should ask myself frequently. Who are you, Kris…who, who, who, who?

Who are you when:

you stub your toe in the dark
that crazy driver cuts you off on the interstate
someone unfriends you on Facebook
you bomb that job interview
there are 20 people in the only open Wal-Mart checkout lane
a mole wreaks havoc through your lawn
an “overdraft” notice arrives
your identity information is hacked
ugly rumors about your pastor reach your ears
your husband watches TV while you clean the house
the church committee didn’t ask for your help
your favorite (fill in the blank) comes up missing
a deer sideswipes your car
you get caught by the red light cameras
you miss a deadline
the scale shows five pounds more than yesterday
the dishwasher floods the kitchen

We don’t need more examples…pretty sure you get my drift.

Who I am is what’s on the inside that comes out during times of stress, or disappointment, or rejection, or pain, or normal living of your everyday life. Although I love being on the mountain top, I become the real “me” in the valleys of life. And sometimes, I don’t like what comes out of me. Sometimes I see the ugliness of gossip, shame, condemnation, rejection, self-hate, and impatience.

However, I want to welcome these wake up calls. Because if I don’t see the yuck inside occasionally, I won’t ever be able to clean my house. If I don’t recognize the nastiness inside, I’ll keep going along, thinking I’m just fine, so fine.

Don and I had a wonderful mentor who told us often:

“Character is what happens when someone tips over your coffee cup.”

Who are you? I hope you find out today.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

Parenting Through Broken Dreams and Battered Promises

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One year later, and still the same…it never gets easier, just different.

Ordinary Life Extraordinary Destiny

Sean and David 1

Parenting is hard.

In fact, the actual act of giving birth is the easiest part. Once those big brown (or green or blue) eyes look into your soul and those little fingers get a grip around your heart, you are toast. And the pressure to be everything they need is overwhelming. It’s really the hardest and longest battle of any parent’s life ~ the battle to let them go.

It starts around age two. Some call it the “terrible 2s” – not sure why – just because my beautiful compliant baby has now learned the word “no” and refuses to wear clothes in public?

We work so hard to help our kids learn right from wrong. We teach them colors and numbers and letters…we listen and love…doing fractions homework and science fair projects…agonizing together through middle school, watching them struggle, succeed, struggle, succeed, over and over and over.

This parenting…

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Day 16 – Killing with Kindness

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It random-act-of-kindness was a saying my mom used to tell me when I complained in junior high about people being mean to me. Looking back, I cannot remember anyone’s actual actions or words toward me that I would consider mean…but I certainly do remember my mom’s advice, “Just be nice to them, Kris. Kill them with kindness.”

Most of the time, I think I’m a kind person, but I also realize that plenty of times I’ve chosen what felt good to me over what may have been kindness extended toward someone else. The times I could have allowed someone in front of me at the WalMart check out lane, held a door open during a walk instead of hurrying on myself, or getting Don a cup of coffee while I was up getting my own…I could go on. So could you.

Today I’m grateful for kindness. I’m also grateful for the POWER of kindness, because I believe if we, all of us, make the intentional choice to be kind to others, we’ll help inch our society in the opposite direction of where it is currently heading.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

Here’s my intentional kindness action plan for this week:

Day 1 – Baby steps: smile at everyone I meet, even if they are grouchy or frowning. This includes while I’m driving (my biggest challenge) and when I answer the phone. I don’t know about you, but I can tell when the person on the other end of the phone says “hello” with a smile. I’m weird that way.

Day 2 – Everything from Day 1 PLUS…within the course of the day, choosing kindness in the little things. This could include holding doors, making coffee, running errands, doing a favor, extending grace, being generous, laughing at dumb jokes.

Day 3 – Day 1 + Day 2 + taking note of my body language and tone of voice so I exude kindness with more than just words. Walking the walk, not just talking the talk, as they say.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Day 4 – Everything from the past three days PLUS adding in kindness to those who don’t like me.

NOOOO!

This one is the hardest, of course. Who likes doing nice things, being nice, showing kindness to people who do not deserve it? Not me.

But…

That’s what God has asked us to do…and in fact, it is what He did (and keeps doing) for us. We don’t deserve God’s love…we never deserved Jesus’ sacrifice for us, but He did it anyway. Because He loves us more than we can imagine. And if we really want to show the world a better way…the BEST way…we must demonstrate God’s love through our actions. Kill them with kindness.

“Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.” Romans 12:20-21 (The Message)

I once heard a message from a guest speaker about kindness. A person sitting near to me scoffed about it afterwards – “What a stupid topic for a sermon!” I guess they thought it wasn’t spiritual enough. But in actuality, showing kindness is one of the most spiritual disciplines you can aspire to reach. By showing kindness, you are showing an unbelieving world the unconditional love of our Father God. We are proving His love for them, and using us as instruments of that love. What is more spiritual than being a tool in the hands of the Master?

“We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us,^[a] and by our sincere love.” 2 Corinthians 6:6

Day 15 – Pictures in my Head

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Stream_2_Yosemite

I know I am a blessed woman. I’m so grateful for the many friends I’ve made throughout my life…the many places I’ve visited…the many opportunities I’ve had to travel, work, play, serve and enjoy life. I have thousands of pictures in my head of places I’ve been, people I’ve met, and memories I’ve made.

My view of my world includes:

That breathlessness in my chest when I walked up the steps to see the grassy field and ivy-covered walls of Wrigley Field for the first time. I stood in quiet wonder as people swarmed in and out, beer and cotton candy vendors selling their wares. Definitely a forever picture.
The magnificence of El Capitan and Half Dome, the gurgling waters of streams rolling through the forests, the blackened trunks of burnt pine trees, and the awe-inspiring heights of sequoia trees – all this kept me snapping almost 400 iPhone photos on my week’s vacation visiting my first national parks.
Looking out my plane window to see the Grand Canyon spread out in all its glory below me. What a great view I had from 15,000 feet! Couldn’t get a stamp for my new national park passbook, but I should did get a pretty good picture!
The view of the finish line as I ran the last hundred yards of my half-marathon relay with my brother in Phoenix, holding hands over our heads as the emotion of the moment overwhelmed me.

Also:

My first glimpse of my nervous bridegroom waiting for me at the end of the church aisle.
Crying as I hold my first-born son in my arms after a very traumatic labor and delivery, his brown eyes staring up at me.
My throat closed with emotion as I hold my second-born son, after his non-emergency C-section turned into a few anxious moments….once again, looking into sleepy deep brown eyes.
Looking out over my classmates during our high school graduation in that little gym in Durand many years ago, excited to think that my life was about to change forever but having no idea how much.
The indescribable views from the top of the Arch in St. Louis, the pinnacle of the Washington Monument, the basket of a hot air balloon, the viewing platform at the summit of Pikes Peak and tramway ride up to the crest line of the Sandia Mountains in New Mexico.
Some of my favorite moments are just normal, everyday sights…like looking out my kitchen window while I did the dishes, watching my kids play in our backyard. Or the misty view of David’s back as he heads off on one of his many trips to places around the world. Or recognizing Sean’s signature stretch before he steps into the batter’s box. Or looking through our bookcase for a naptime story. Or watching my dad take his grandkids for rides on the John Deere lawnmower.

But my favorite view and the one for which I’m most grateful is my view forward…into the continuing journey I have ahead of me. It isn’t always clear but I know it will be full of fun and adventure. I don’t regret any of my past experiences but I desire to be intentional in looking ahead…always onward!

Day 13 – Connected and Disconnected

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“What technology are you grateful for?”

I remember pre-microwaves, pre-Internet, pre-home computers, and pre-flat screen TVs. I remember when you had to watch your favorite TV show the first time, because there was no guarantee it would ever be on again. We did have reruns, but no way to know when a particular show would re-air. I remember when social media consisted of picking up the party line and listening to your neighbor’s conversations. I remember when I got to use one of the four electric typewriters in my Typing class in high school for one quarter. Otherwise, we were stuck with the manual ones. I remember being so excited when my uncle had a console color television delivered to our house for Christmas one year. Color TV! Oh yeah, we were so cool. I remember when my parents had their kitchen remodeled and it included a flat cook top and double oven. I remember when we got a really long cord on our home phone so I could sit in the living room and talk to my friends. I remember when my brothers would call on the holidays and we would pass around the long-corded handset to each family member in attendance. I remember taking a dime (and later, a quarter) to my high school basketball games so I could use the pay phone to call my mom to come get me. If I forgot the quarter, I just called “collect.” Do they even offer collect calls anymore? Do they even have pay phones?

Not proud that I held that phone throughout the whole wedding reception. Taking pictures was my excuse.

Technology has improved our lives dramatically…and yet, complicated them as well. No longer do we gather around one phone handset to talk to family members. We each stare at our own phones, texting our holiday greetings in words and not voices. When I was growing up, my dad and I talked about movies and actors and who starred in which TV series and when. Now we wouldn’t need to debate those things – we have the IMDb app to prove our opinion.

Of course, I could go on and on. Most of you can remember what life was like prior to the expansion of technology in the last 50 years. In many ways, I miss the simplicity of life then, but I don’t think I’d turn in my iPhone to go back. I enjoy being able to connect with my friends and far away family on Facebook or to talk/text my kids in far away places at any time (without calling “collect” – I don’t think they’d accept). I enjoy watching my niece dance on live Instagram. I like checking in with my husband multiple times of the day, just to say “Love You” with a little heart emoji.

I certainly don’t want to lose the ease of keyboarding on a laptop from a coffee shop, blogging my thoughts about technology, or life, or gratitude. I like Amazon and Google and dictionary.com. I need my flash drives because my memory isn’t what it used to be. I’m attached to my e-reader and touchscreen laptop. Though I receive too many, I enjoy reading my emails and shopping online.

So I guess it comes down to balance. Keeping perspective about the old ways and adapting to new ways. The expansion of ways to “know” things has expanded beyond our ability to keep up. If you read all day, you wouldn’t be able to digest the amount of words being written just on the msn home page alone.

Technology will never replace sitting down around the kitchen table for a meal with my family. Cyber hugs will never be as satisfying as real ones. Maybe we should determine to put down our technology once in awhile, and connect the old fashioned way – face to face, not FaceTime. Mano y mano, not selfies. Rants around the water cooler, not anonymously on Twitter. Coffee in a real cup listening with actual ears, to flesh-and-blood people in need of real connection.

I challenge you to leave your phone at home the next time you go out with friends. Who’s going to call you anyway? You can check the game scores later. Technology is here to stay, but you still control how much it controls you.

Day 11 – The Bright Side

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Do you ever catch yourself in a mindless fog, moving through traffic without any idea how you got where you are? Me too. Scared myself.

On the other side, I have also over-thought myself into inaction. I thought about something for so long and hard that I came to no conclusions…only saw the situation from every point of view available…and then did nothing. This is a talent for which I’m very skilled.

I have another talent – looking on the bright side. Occasionally, I will get down (who doesn’t?) but for the most part, I’m the person who sees the glass half full. Or as my science-geek friends would say, completely full…half with liquid, half with air. This particular talent has served me well most of my life. I enjoy happy feelings. I like being the “up” person until…I’m the only “up” person. Then it feels like work. I feel like I have to pull everyone else up and I forgot my weight-lifting workout.

I realize that my natural tendency to look on the bright side is God-given (and annoying to some). God made me with the desire to encourage and exhort others, to help people see the positive side of a situation, to give others indisputable evidence that in all things God works for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

It’s a trait I am most thankful for…

But…

I can’t do it alone. Will you help me today? Will you give others a boost? Will you encourage someone who’s low and looking lower? Thanks – I appreciate it. I’m glad I’m not in this work alone.

And, by the way, if you’re one of those who have a tendency to see the glass half empty, take this Scripture and post it everywhere you can. Think_About_These_Things It will help. Because God promises that He will never allow His Word to return empty and if you have your mind fixed on things above, and not on the circumstances of life that change, and drift, and sink your soul…you will be lifted up.

I appreciate my positive outlook and general happy perspective but God did not give it to me just for me…

He says, “Kris, go pass it along to others. This world needs to know that I haven’t given up on them. I will never leave them. I will never forsake them. I’ve got this all under control. Be salt and light and watch Me draw people to Myself.”

Cool, huh?

Day 10 – Tsunami of Emotion

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I’m scheduled to write about a memory for which I’m grateful. Once again, it is very hard to choose just one. I have a tendency to write about memories most of the time so I was wracking my brain to think of something clever or creative. However, while checking my “On This Day” tab on my Facebook news feed, I came across a memory from six years, for which I am so very thankful.

tsnumani_2011

Six years ago last week was the anniversary of the magnitude 9 earthquake and subsequent tsunami which devastated northeastern Japan. With only the 2008 Cedar Rapids flood as a reference, I cannot begin to imagine the recovery efforts needed to return to some sense of normalcy. The effects of that disaster were felt around the world, even in Cedar Rapids, as the McGarveys here (and in the St. Louis area) waited impatiently for news. You see, my beautiful niece Kim was working as a kindergarten teacher in Sendai, only 80-miles from the earthquake’s epicenter. Initially, local people reported 200 to 300 bodies already been found there. It all turned out okay for Kim, but even with all the current technology, it was hours before we knew that for sure. Hours of prayer. Hours of worry (let’s be honest – we say Christians shouldn’t worry, but we do). Hours of waiting for any little bit of news. Hours of watching devastating video. Hours of hearing rumors, hoping it’s all false.

If my memory is correct (please, no quotes here), Kim’s school ended up being a recovery location. She waited herself for news of her little students. As Americans, she and some other teachers ended up being transferred to the U.S. Air Force base at Misawa, north of the affected area. Eventually she flew home, only to return in late summer to help out again.

The numbers involved with this earthquake and tsunami are incomprehensible. The death toll was over 18,000, with over 6,000 injured. Entire towns were lost. Over 228,000 people had to live away from their homes, either temporarily or permanently. The property damage figures are staggering. Some estimate insured losses from the earthquake alone to be $34.6 billion US dollars. The tsunami caused nuclear accidents including meltdowns of three reactors in the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant complex. People within a 12 miles radius of the plant evacuated. The health results of this part of the disaster may never be comprehended. Radiation levels remain dangerously high, and the Tokyo Electric Power Company reported in 2013 that about 300 tons of radioactive water leaks into the Pacific Ocean everyday.

It is not my intent to scare people. Though I am very grateful for my niece’s safety, for many, this anniversary is a reminder of one of the worst moments in recent history. Please take some time today to hug your kids, call your mom, and pray for a nation still recovering. May my heart be moved as God’s heart.

Road tripping

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No official blog today. Don and I drove over to see our son who lives in Ames, Iowa, and spent about four hours together in the car. It had been so long since I’d hugged my kid’s neck, I would have sat in the car six more hours. Iowa’s landscape in early March is pretty boring but once again, any March Saturday without snow flurries is a good day.

Home now. Supper over. Texas brownies made for church tomorrow. Dishes done. Watching the Iowa State Cyclones playing basketball. Relaxed. A good day.

I didn’t get my 10,000 step goal but I ate lunch with two of my favorite men. I listened to my son tell us about his life. I shared quiet conversation with my best friend. The car didn’t act up. These are the types of days that feed my spirit.

Now one less hour’s sleep…Happy Daylight Saving Eve.

The Security of Routine

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daily-routines There’s nothing inherently wrong with liking routine. In fact, most of us would be a whirling mass of chaos if we didn’t have a set routine to follow, for at least a portion of our day. As a list-maker (and follower), I need the day-to-day routines in order to function well. I wear a lot of different hats each day and without a set routine, I’d be in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong supplies more often than not.

As a working woman, I get up early Monday through Friday to achieve as much as possible prior to heading to my job. I have a to-do list with me at all times and often type myself a quick reminder in my iPhone, if I’m without paper and pencil. (Oh yes – the pencil. The master tool of any list maker! I don’t have the confidence to write my calendar items in pen…though I have been known to complete a crossword puzzle in ink.)

Routine helps us complete our commitments…give us confidence that we are where we need to be…assists us in getting the most accomplished in the least amount of time. There are no surprises in routine.

BUT, routine can be a adventure-killer. Routine can become a fixed mindset, keeping you from enjoying the journey you take everyday. Routine can keep us from embracing the experience, discovering the treasures hidden in each day.

I’ve enjoyed developing routines but I’ve totally embraced the wonder of new things, new places, new food, new people, and even new routines. Don’t allow yourself to get stale by doing the same thing over and over. It becomes mindless…our vision blurs…our ears tune out the voices around us…our feet become entrenched and that is when a routine becomes a rut. I would rather consider routine as a thin wire act – delicately balancing the new and the old, the sameness of routine blending with the excitement of discovery.

So put away your pencil, your list, your time piece and take a walk outside…spur of the moment, go off grid for an hour, change up your routine for a day. The freshness will blow those left over winter cobwebs right out and you’ll be able to enjoy the hope of spring with a fresh sense of adventure!

Day 9 – Adam and King Aren

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Impossible.

My 30-day gratitude list asks: “What book are you grateful for?” Really? Singular? One book? Impossible.

You need to know this about me before I can continue. I love books. I have always loved books. I learned to read before I went to kindergarten and I’ve been reading ever since. I love all types of books…most genres (except horror, yuck)…many different authors and styles. Some of my greatest lessons have been learned while reading stories to my boys. One of my favorite series of children’s books are about a little raccoon named Adam.

adam_Raccoon - 2 Adam Raccoon is the brain child (brain animal?) of Glen Keane, who both writes and illustrates all of the books. Formerly an animator for Disney, Mr. Keane wrote eight books about this little fun-loving fellow who lives in Master’s Wood along with his best friend, King Aren, and other friends (and enemies). In Adam’s many and varied adventures, he invariably learns a lesson or two, and always, always, King Aren pulls him out of whatever pickle Adam finds himself in.

My favorite Adam adventure involves a race he runs up Victory Mountain. Adam is very excited. He has new running shoes and is full of confidence that he will win the race, no question about it. King Aren, as always, is a wise and strong friend, who tries to dispense advice pre-race…but Adam thinks he knows it all and doesn’t listen well. (Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.)

One of my favorite lines is King Aren’s encouragement to Adam before the race begins.

“It’s easy to get off track. But when you do, get back on course and finish the race.”

Each of Adam’s books include a character meant to get him off alone and without King Aren’s protection. In the Race to Victory Mountain, the dark enticement comes from a bat who gives Adam a map of a “short cut.” Don’t we all want a short cut to the top? Don’t we all get tempted to cut corners and still reap the rewards? Yeah – it doesn’t work so well for Adam either.

The important thing to remember – for Adam and for us – “What counts is finishing the race. Everyone who stays on course and doesn’t quit will win.” More wisdom from King Aren.

As the race begins, Adam enjoys a comfortable lead. He is running great…until he hits Ruby’s Honey Stand. The temptation of fresh biscuits and honey get him off the course and a few pounds heavier before he realizes he needs to get moving. Then he encounters the old deserted fairgrounds. The various rides and attractions quickly become his latest distraction and time quickly gets away from him. He’s trying to make up some time when he remembers that short cut map.

At one point, Adam is standing at a crossroads. He sees King Aren’s course flag, and remembers the words, “Stay on course.” However, he’s worried he’ll never finish in time, so he heads off down the other path. As you can guess, this is not his best decision. He ends up hanging from a broken bridge slat over a raging river, “I quit.”

Nevertheless, to the rescue is King Aren, who encourages Adam to get back in the race. “You can still make it if you don’t delay!” So accompanied by his royal friend, Adam gets going, and as the last rays of sun fall over the mountain, Adam makes it to the finish line and receives a trophy, just like everyone else who finished the race.

Simple story. Yes. Timeless truth. Absolutely.

I go back to this story over and over because it so easily comforts and encourages me while I’m running my life race. I also have a king who is my best friend. King Jesus never leaves me, always provides the encouragement and advice I need, through His Word, to run my race with endurance. I can rely on His map (the Bible) and don’t need any short-cuts to a victory.

I’m grateful for this little book which showed my kids (and me) the way to live (race) victoriously – staying on course and never giving up.

“So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way. And we should remove the sin that so easily catches us. Let us look only to Jesus.” Hebrews 12:1b,2a