Category Archives: Growing Up

A New Tradition

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Holidays are more than dates on a calendar. They are usually markers on a memory timeline and most families have at least one tradition for each major holiday. With Easter Sunday less than a week away, you have time to create a new memory, a special new tradition, to mark this very unique holiday.

Some families research and observe some or all of Holy Week, the eight days between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday. You can google any one of the days of the week and find the unique observances surrounding each one. For instance, did you know that the Wednesday of Holy Week is often called “Spy Wednesday?” This day is observed by many Eastern Orthodox believers as the day Jesus was visiting Simon at his home in Bethany. While there, Mary anointed Jesus’ head and feet with costly perfume. Jesus’ disciples were indignant at the waste of money. Tradition says this was when Judas Iscariot decided to betray Jesus to the Sanhedrin (Mark 14:1-10).

Maundy Thursday commemorates Jesus’ last supper with his disciples. The word “maundy” is Latin and refers to the part of the evening when Jesus’ washed his disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). The night concludes with a meal, which provides the scriptural basis for the Eucharist or Last Supper (Luke 22:7-23).

Good Friday always seemed a misnomer to me. It is the day Christians commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus on Calvary (Matthew 27). In many areas of the world it is a legal holiday, including 12 U.S. states. Why is it called “good?” There are disagreements about the exact meaning, but many believe the “good” simply meant “pious” or “holy.”

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Most Protestants don’t observe it, but Catholics often refer to the next day of the week as “Black Saturday.” There are unique traditions for both western and eastern Christian religions for this day.

Of course, the celebrations abound on Easter, beginning with sunrise services in many churches. New clothes, egg hunts, baskets filled with gifts and candy, joyful hymns declaring Jesus is alive! He is risen from the dead! (Matthew 28:1-15)

What a great season to start a new tradition in your family. Observe a Maundy Thursday or Good Friday service in a different church than what you are used to…Give Easter baskets to a women’s shelter or orphanage…send Easter cards to servicemen and women…Read the scriptural accounts of Holy Week to your kids, celebrating each day as Jesus may have…Have a foot-washing service with your small group…Participate in communion on Thursday night.

Enjoy this spring time holiday as you never have before ~ create something fresh and new or resurrect a family tradition from your own past. Either way, make a memory to last a lifetime.

Time + Family = Love

Don and I do not live close to either side of our family. Except for our own children, the closest family member is two hours away. In years past, for a variety of reasons, I did not spend much time with any of my family. I can make excuses. I was busy raising my kids, busy in ministry, busy with schooling and work and activities. But in the last two years, I’ve come to realize that anyone will make time for what is important…what consumes your time, consumes your heart.

So I determined that for 2016, my word is family.

Now that we are almost one-quarter of the way through the year (yikes!), I want to evaluate my progress in meeting my goal of more family time. In January we travelled to Dubuque to see my nephew’s basketball game. In February Don and I went to Ames to take our son to breakfast and to meet some members of my soon-to-be daughter-in-law’s family. Today I just returned from a quick visit to see my sister, brother-in-law, aunt, brother, nephew and niece.

I love my amazing family…those I can visit often and those much further away. No matter how far apart my visits, I’m always welcomed with open arms. My sister and I can talk constantly, laugh uncontrollably, and reminisce tearfully…all night long.

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I’m determined to be more than an aunt in name only to my brother’s kids. I want to watch my nephew play baseball and my niece perform gymnastic feats. I want to be a presence in the lives of my aunts and uncles. I enjoy listening to stories from my 8-year-old niece and my 88-year-old aunt. Both are delightful. In two weeks, I’ll watch another beloved niece get married. I’ll enjoy the antics of my little great-nephews, and hug my lovely mother-in-law. Two months from now, at my own son’s wedding, we’ll have the privilege of hosting many McGarvey and McCullough family members. What an opportunity for joyful expressions of love and acceptance!

I’m still very busy ~ I’m still involved in ministry, parenting, and work, but my determination, my priority is now to make intentional time for family. Time passes so quickly ~ let’s live so we have wonderful memories, not regrets.

A Visit from Flat Stanley

I’ve been entertaining a house guest this weekend. Stanley arrived a unexpectedly on Friday. I had heard of him from other people, but had never had the pleasure of meeting him in person. He’s a pleasant fellow, always smiling. He travels very light – no suitcase and basically just the clothes on his back (or more accurately, his front). He’s no fuss…he will go with whatever plans we have for him. Never a complaint and always that same smile.

It turned out to be a great time for Stanley to visit. We had plans for a weekend visiting family and friends, so I tucked Stanley in my purse and away we went.

Our first stop was in Ames to visit our son Sean. We hadn’t seen him since January when he returned to school so it was nice to hug his neck and take him out for breakfast. In all the excitement of seeing Sean, I forgot Stanley in the car. But he didn’t seem to mind – he was still smiling when we got back in.

From Ames, we travelled down Interstate 35 to Des Moines, Iowa’s capital. I picked up my good friend Danette and headed to the west side of the city to attend my future daughter-in-law’s first bridal shower. This time, I remembered Stanley and though he was the only male in attendance, he kept to himself and no one seemed to notice.

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While talking with Danette about Stanley’s visit, she suggested we stop by the beautiful Iowa State Capitol building before returning home. I’m so glad we did! Stanley seemed to enjoy the fresh air and open front lawn, though we had to prop him up with a fork to keep him upright. Maybe he was a little carsick from riding around in the backseat all afternoon?

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The next day was  Sunday and we saw no reason to leave Stanley at home, so he attended church services with us in Troy Mills, Iowa. It is a small but friendly congregation so I knew Stanley would be welcome. I even asked if he would help me teach the kids’ sermon and he gladly agreed, again with that same smile

.IMG_2180 I talked about the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives – that He goes with us wherever we go, comparing him to my good friend Stanley. I was curious to hear how Stanley would do singing unfamiliar hymns, and I did notice he was flat most of the time. Oh well…he stayed smiling through the whole service.

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With the weekend over, I wasn’t sure what I could do to keep Stanley entertained. My Monday morning routine begins with a visit to my local Curves for a 30-minute workout. Stanley slipped in, even though Curves is for women only. But no one seemed to mind and we didn’t stay long. I don’t think he even broke a sweat and always with that smile.

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I had to work all day and Stanley sat quietly watching me…never a peep out of him. But I wanted him to see a little of my city so we went on a walk through Cedar Rapids at lunch time. First stop was the new Cedar Rapids Public Library. I thought he’d enjoy seeing the city from the rooftop but it wasn’t open yet – too windy. Wind and Stanley probably don’t mix well.

IMG_2185 I showed Stanley the beautiful view from the 2nd floor windows overlooking our new Greene Square Park. He was impressed. He kept his face right up against the glass the whole time.

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IMG_2187 The next stop was the somewhat famous Five Seasons symbol on the banks of the Cedar River. Looks a little like a tree, doesn’t it? Stanley was impressed by the size of it – showing me it was “this big,” with his arms outstretched and another big smile. That guy loves to smile.

IMG_2188 I had to get back to work soon so we moved pretty fast through the rest of our tour. I took him to see the NewBo City Market – a wonderful place for local, homegrown foods, art and events. We couldn’t stay though – time to head back to work.

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I’ve loved hosting Stanley for these few days. He’s a delightful guy, still smiling even after all the locations I placed him. I enjoyed his pleasant personality, and especially his willingness to embrace my Cub fanaticism during his visit. I hope he can come back again soon.

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If you’ve made it to the end of this photo journey of Flat Stanley’s visit with me, you’re a trooper. This was a class project for my beautiful niece, Morgan, and I wanted to make sure she got everything I could give her. She’s adorable and I love her bunches!

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Your Nose Knows

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I have a cold. It isn’t horrible but my nose is either running or stopped up. It takes quite a strong aroma to break that barrier. Like Vicks Vapo-Rub – remember that stuff? Every time I smell it, I’m taken back to my childhood…when my mom would spread that goopy gel over my chest and on the bottoms of my feet. I don’t know if it helped, but the aroma was pervasive and brings back all those feelings of love and comfort from my mom’s nurturing care.

That’s the great thing about our sense of smell – the trigger of good memories whenever certain aromas hit our nose. I love the smell of freshly-roasted coffee beans and freshly-brewed coffee (taste too!). There’s nothing like the smell of warm cinnamon rolls, baking bread, peppermint ice cream, fresh cut wood, pungent orange peels, fresh cut grass, newly-turned earth, incoming spring rains, strawberry shampoo, freshly-bathed babies, and a first time you crack open a new book. This list is only a few of my favorite smells. Each one brings up a bucketful of great memories and good feelings.

For instance, every time I smell pine I’m reminded of a family vacation we took when I was 16. There were five of us, headed to Arkansas, in a pick up truck with a topper and no air conditioning. We had put an old mattress in the back so we could take turns sleeping, sitting or driving. My mom and I were driving through the night with the windows open, along the highway lined with majestic fir trees. The bracing aroma of pine filled the truck cab. I don’t remember our conversation but the smell of pine still gives me poignant memories of a happy time in my childhood.

Do you have similar smells that trigger memories? Sure, sometimes smells remind us of sad times too, but as the movie “Inside Out” illustrates, sadness isn’t bad…it’s an emotion we need to feel and embrace as much as joy or anger.

It’s kind of cool that we, as children of God, are to Him the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing…the fragrance of life to one group, the smell of death to the other. Through us, He spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. So we are the trigger of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. Hope you smell good!

Take a deep breath! Learn to use all your senses to unleash feel good moments. Even better – start making aromatic memories for the future. If you need it, they still sell Vicks Vapo-Rub.

The Comparison Trap

kids-comparing-heightThrough the years, I’ve compared myself to women who I thought were better wives, better mothers, better speakers, more beautiful, thinner, and more accomplished. But I kind of grew out of that phase a few years ago.

Now I find that I compare myself to my own expectations of who I should be by now. As I get older, and the number of years behind me are more numerous than the ones ahead of me, I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t reached the goals I subconsciously set for myself back in my 20s.

Sports broadcaster – no…

World traveler – no…

Big name speaker – no…

Author – no…

Fitness model – well, I never really aimed for that one.

Yes, I get caught in the comparison trap every once in a while. But, then I remember I’m only supposed to be who God wants me to be – He has my future and my hope secure. I can only achieve, and only want to achieve, what’s best for me through His grace and strength. When I look in the mirror I see the woman of God who desires His best and seeks His face and walks intimately with the Lover of my soul. So I’m done with comparing (for today anyway).

A Boy and His Backyard

He started it.

It’s been on the edge of my consciousness since October 30th…the day he got engaged. But after his Instagram post yesterday, the reality is clear: my little boy will soon be moving on to begin the next season of his life as a husband and someday, a father. His moment of nostalgia concerning our backyard made me cry. Because I remember…oh, how I remember.

Compared to this age of camera phones, selfies and Instagram, I don’t have the photo evidence of the hundreds of hours they spent playing, digging, swinging, kicking, catching, tackling, working, mowing, painting, and even sunbathing in that little piece of ground outside my kitchen window.

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We moved to our little house 22 years ago this month. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our last baby boy and the backyard was hidden by a few inches of snow. The big reveal didn’t occur until spring but once my oldest boy’s feet found grass, he had his lifelong playground.

The only fences were put there by our neighbors and through the years we retrieved many errant balls and Frisbees which managed to fly a little further than intended. It looked a little different back then – a huckleberry bush grew up right in the middle but we cut it down after too many purple stains all over clean clothes. (“But Mom, I had to slide. The throw was coming home!”)

We’ve recently returned to a small garden plot after many years of open ground. Our attempts in those first few years were feeble at best. But we tried and we ate our produce: radishes and few tomatoes our only successes.

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A  swing set was the first addition to that little backyard. It was a popular destination for our neighbor’s daycare kids. It had a little basketball hoop attached and I’ll never forget the image of my little guy shooting ball after ball after ball up at that hoop. He hardly ever made it but he was only 18-months-old. That “I won’t quit” attitude was already pretty well-developed even then.

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That backyard was the site of some world-class kickball games: Parents vs Sons. Those little boys thought they could beat their mom and dad and eventually, when they learned teamwork and cooperation (and their parents got old and slow), they triumphed more times than not. We had to quit when the ball almost always went over the garage into the woods along the trail. Instant home run but poison ivy threat for anyone who had to retrieve it.

We added a basketball hoop along the driveway when the guys were barely old enough to bounce one, but it became the scene of a few more Parents vs Sons pick up games. I’ll never forget the look of shock on my boy’s face when I deliberately fouled him to keep him from scoring. “Mom! You pushed me…on purpose!” Why yes, Son, I did. Welcome to playing sports with your mother.

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But my favorite memories are of a little boy who used that backyard as his getaway from real life and allowed his imagination to transport him. I had a front row seat (actually, an open window) as I watched him hit wiffle balls which became walk-off home runs in his mind’s baseball game scenario. He’d catch the winning touchdown pass in the closing seconds of his football game; he swung his golf club and put that imaginary ball in the cup for a hole-in-one every time; he scored the last second three-pointer to win his basketball game. All played within the boundaries of his imagination.

In my mind I see little boys bent down examining tiny green radish tops and blonde heads bent together whispering under a huckleberry bush. I see the outline of a diamond track in the grass from the hundreds of little boys’ feet trotting out base hit after base hit after base hit. I see the phone line swinging back and forth after endless attempts at catching pop flies hitting that pesky line through the middle of our “field.” I hear giggles and arguments, made up sports broadcasts and shouts of victory. I smell the air and the grass and the dirt that envelops my little boys after an afternoon in their backyard.

I tried my hand at landscaping throughout the years but between my disinterest in weeding and maintenance and the endless little feet using my hosta as “home plate,” it never really turned out well. I should probably plant something now that the yard is quiet but I just can’t find the inspiration. That backyard is meant for little boys and imaginations.

The swing set and basketball hoop are long gone and soon, so will my little boys, one to life with a new bride, the other to life after college. That backyard is a sacred place – where God watched over two boys as they grew from babies to men – where they learned sportsmanship and attitudes, teamwork and inspiration, confidence and humility – where their imaginations took them wherever they wanted to go.