Author Archives: Kris McGarvey

About Kris McGarvey

It's not what I do that matters...it's who I am through the eyes of Jesus.

You is smart. You is kind. You is important.

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” What a lie. A big fat lie. Words can cause greater damage than any stick or stone.

We often believe what we hear about ourselves, especially if the speaker is someone in authority or someone we trust or admire. Parents, siblings, other family members, teachers, coaches…even ourselves. I’ve found in my tutoring of students of all ages that my toughest job is getting them to believe in themselves after hearing things like “You can’t” or “You’re dumb” or “You’ll never…” for far too long.

Two solutions.

First, don’t destroy others with your words. Be an encourager, a cheerleader. Don’t bad mouth someone, or be nasty or rude. Avoid saying (or typing in your status bar) anything destructive or negative about another person. No matter who they are. No matter their political party or religious denomination. No matter what you perceive they think of you or have done to you. A well known person once said, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.” Good advice for all of us.

Secondly, do not disparage or bad mouth yourself…not your mind or intelligence, your emotions or your physical body. No matter what someone else has ever said about you…You are smart. You are kind. You are important.

God’s Word is full of His words of unconditional love and acceptance of who you are. Are you calling God a liar? Start reading through Proverbs and inserting your name.

“The speech of KRIS is worth waiting for…” (Proverbs 10:20a) Or “The speech of KRIS clears the air…” (Proverbs 10:32a) Or “The words of the wicked kill; the speech of KRIS saves.” (Proverbs 12:6) One of my favorites is Proverbs 16:24 – “Kris’ gracious speech is like clover honey – good taste to the soul, quick energy for the body.”

I’m attaching the link for a more in depth article about the power of our words if you need more convincing but this Scripture from James states it pretty clearly.

“It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.” (James 3:5-6 MSG)

The Never Ending Pursuit of Happiness

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My 40-day blogging adventure continues today with help from my extremely intelligent and handsome husband Don. More from him later. Read on.

Today I’m going to try to stop. I’m going to stop chasing after something fleeting and start going after the eternal. Today I’m going to give up my pursuit of happiness….again.

Almost any American elementary child can tell you where the phrase “the pursuit of Happiness” was first introduced to us. It’s a phrase in the United States Declaration of Independence and is one of three examples of “unalienable rights” which the document says has been God-given to all humans, and which governments were created to protect.

Rabbit Trail Alert! Made me think a bit about what constitutes “happiness.” What makes me happy may not do a thing for you. And I know there are certain people out there who pursue their own brand of happiness in the form of physical and emotional abuse, and worse. Did God give us this right to pursue happiness? This blog could go on forever debating that question…so I’ll just let you ponder it on your own.

Back to stopping my own pursuit of happiness.

My happiness changes with the wind, or my mood, or my circumstances, or my financial situation, or my comfort level, or the weather, or my expectations. I’ve decided I spend way too much energy pursuing such a fleeting and capricious emotion. Happy is a catchy song (Thank you Pharrell Williams) but it isn’t so easy to catch in real life.

Here’s where my husband’s wisdom and insight come in. He writes a weekly Bible study and is currently working through the book of Hosea. Don prefaces the following remarks with an introduction to Hosea 9:1-9, saying the prophet Hosea, under the direction of the Holy Spirit provides a list of four things which the nation of Israel will lose because of their sin.

“The first thing lost due to their sinfulness was “joy.” Joy is more than emotion. Joy is the presence of God in our lives. Joy is something that comes from God, not from something external in our life. Joy and happiness are often mistaken for one another but it’s just not so. Joy is something deep down inside which is not controlled by circumstances as happiness is. I can be made happy by circumstances or by something someone else does. But Joy is something which transcends circumstances or the behavior of others.

God is more than our “source” of joy. God is our joy. As we walk with Him, no matter the circumstances we will have joy. The closer we get to Him, the more joy we will know.

Joy is something the world cannot give us nor can the world take it away.” Don McGarvey – Thursday Night Bible Study, study of Hosea. If this piques your interest, check out Don’s Bible Study on Facebook.

And how about pursuing the fruit of the Spirit which, in addition to joy, include love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?

Or how about just pursuing Jesus and everything else…everything of little to no importance falls away.

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” (John 4:23-24 – MSG)

Jesus is really all I need to pursue. Because…and this is the cool part…He’s pursuing me!

Giving Up on Giving Up

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Ever had one of those days? You know what I mean – When you feel forgotten and alone? When you can’t seem to get anything right? When your dreams look as far away as ever? Yeah. Me too. Let’s give up.

When I first started running last spring I had a lot of ‘Let’s give up’ moments. Pretty minor in the whole big picture of life, but I knew it was a small test I wanted to pass. I wasn’t going to give up on my goals even though it was difficult. My parents, especially my dad, always told me I could do whatever I put my mind to. I’m not sure that is always true but his affirmation of me helped shaped my mindset about what I can and cannot accomplish. As parents, my husband and I have always tried to instill a “don’t give up” mentality in our boys. When we signed up for a sport, we made them stick it out, even if they didn’t like it. And not just because “we paid for it, you’ll do it.” It’s important to develop perseverance – a character trait sometimes lacking in our culture today.

I came across a lot of quotes about giving up. Here’s a small sampling:

“You cry and you scream and you stomp your feet and you shout. You say, ‘You know what? I’m giving up, I don’t care.’ And then you go to bed and you wake up and it’s a brand new day, and you pick yourself back up again.” Nicole Scherzinger

“A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.” George M. Moore Jr. Member of US House of Representatives

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb

“Fall seven times and stand up eight.” Japanese proverb

“Each mistake teaches you something new about yourself. There is no failure, remember, except in no longer trying. It is the courage to continue that counts.” Chris Bradford, “The Way of the Sword”

Winston Churchill gave a commencement speech at his alma mater, Harrow School, in October 1941. Great Britain was embroiled in war with Germany. The British people were facing shortages of food, munitions and oil. The war was escalating and people were growing frightened of the uncertainty their nation faced. As Prime Minister, Churchill had attempted to negotiate with other world leaders, but without much success. The most memorable portion of this speech has been immortalized, but I would recommend reading the whole thing at some point in your life.

Of course, the best example of never giving up was Jesus. He faced what he knew would be an agonizing death by crucifixion, betrayed by someone he had lived with for three years, left alone to face these trials without his friends, seemingly cast aside by his Father God. Yet he didn’t give up. Though he had legions of angels at his command, he didn’t give up. Why? Because he loved me. If it had been only me, Jesus would still have gone to the cross. Just for me. And you.

Don’t give up. God hasn’t given up on you.

Squirrel!

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Remember Dug, the loveable golden retriever in the Disney movie “Up?” He had a couple of famous lines such as “I have just met you and I love you,” and “I do not like the cone of shame.” Dug was also the character many with ADHD identified with because he was easily…“Squirrel!”

Dug’s tendency to be sidetracked by just about anything was fun in the movie but distractions aren’t always entertaining. They can keep us busy but cause important things to be derailed.

Distractions, by definition, prevent us from giving full attention to something else. Lately there has been a big “Don’t Text & Drive” ad campaign to keep us from being distracted by our phones while operating a vehicle. Too many passengers in a car may be a distraction for a young driver. The many different social media websites can certainly be distractions from accomplishing more important tasks.

Today I’m going to try to give up distractions in order to focus more fully on the essentials. My faith, my family, my work…these are all areas I need to keep in my vision without “squirrel-moments” taking me down “rabbit trails.”

Is Facebook calling your name? Did you just get a notification on your phone that someone responded to your latest status? Wanting to check your Twitter timeline? How about posting your latest food creation on Instagram? Did they add a new TV series to Netflix? A new book by my favorite author? Two chocolate chip cookies left? Is reading this blog actually a distraction for you?

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
(1 Corinthians 10:13) ESV

On a beautiful day, after a long winter, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time out of your busy day to enjoy a walk, or meet a friend for coffee, or change up your routine. But don’t let distractions become your norm. By staying focused on the important people and tasks in your life, you’ll have more time for those beneficial distractions later on.

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.”
(Proverbs 4:25-27) ESV

It’s Green So It Must be Good, Right?

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Spring always means I start thinking about my dream of a perfect lawn, flowering plants and bushes, and an abundant garden with luscious vegetables. But it’s really only a dream. I don’t have enough determination and know-how to make it actually happen. Besides the lack of knowledge and willingness to work, I’ve got an insidious enemy in my lawn. His name is Charlie. Creeping Charlie.

Creeping Charlie is a ground ivy but that doesn’t really cover all you need to know. According to www.gardeningknowhow.com “the creeping Charlie plant is rivaled only by dandelions in terms of difficulty to get rid of and control.” But they’ve given me hope. It seems all I need to know are a few tips and tricks to “beat this annoying lawn invader.” First I have to identify it by studying its appearance. Then I can stop it from thriving by working to create a healthy lawn. Most recommend using a dicamba-based herbicide. When creeping Charlie hits your flowerbeds, you’ll need to actually use your hands to pull it out or try a smothering technique. Some sources recommend using Borax, but that can kill your other plants too, so be cautious.

If you’ve made it this far in the blog, you’ll be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with giving up something for Lent?” I’m glad you asked. Today’s “giving up” involves bitterness and there is no better analogy than my little plant friend Charlie. Like that ground ivy, bitterness often takes root in an unhealthy situation and grows alone untouched until it has taken over your life. Bitterness is tough to get rid. Determination alone won’t do it. You’ve got to get your life healthy, like I must get my lawn healthy, to truly stop bitterness from growing. The bitterness seed is often planted by an action done against you, something that hurt or offended you. But then you watered it with constantly thinking about, or talking about it with others. Now that bitterness ivy grows and grows, often unchecked until it has taken over the lawn of your life.

Want to get rid of Creeping Bitterness? Use the same techniques as ridding your lawn of Charlie. First you need to identify the condition in your life. Recognize you have this little bugger and then decide to work hard to stop it from spreading. Get your life healthy in other ways – feeding it with the Word of God, watering it with consistent prayer, fertilizing it by spending time in the presence of God. The very best method of killing bitterness is applying a healthy dose of forgiveness periodically. Forgiveness will kill a lot of nasty plants which want to attach themselves to your life. And the great news, forgiveness won’t kill anything good in your life…actually forgiveness works to only kill the crud and causes the good things to thrive. Maybe bitterness has invaded your family relationships already. Like getting rid of Charlie in your flowerbeds, you may actually have to get your hands dirty pulling out each bitterness plant, one by one. It’s worth it. Nothing flourishes like weed-free flower beds or bitterness-free family relationships

It’s spring so let’s get down to business and create a beautiful life by ridding yourself of Creeping Bitterness.

Do You Want Some Cheese With That Whine?

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Are there good days to complain? Are there legitimate reasons for whining? I felt like it this morning. We set our clocks ahead one hour because of the end to Daylight Saving Time so one less hour of sleep. Complaining? I’m sure Facebook and Twitter are full of it. But in the whole scheme of life, the loss of one hour’s sleep is pretty trivial.

We have all whined about something at one time or another. Maybe the neighbor’s dog pooped in your yard…the bunnies ate your recently planted pansies…the snowplow left a wall of wet snow in your driveway…gas prices went up another dime overnight…that driver just pulled out in front of me…the grocery store doesn’t carry my particular brand of tea…the doctor’s office doesn’t open until 8:30. I’ve made all of these specific complaints and thousands more.

Quick – think of 5 things you’ve whined about lately. I’ll give you 5 seconds. It was easy, wasn’t it? If you had any trouble, check your Facebook timeline. You probably have more than 5 on there. I know I do.

Did my whining solve my perceived problem? No. Granted, I can discuss the dog issue with my neighbor but I had better have a decent attitude and approach or I’ll get more dog poop, not less. Personally, I think the U.S. has an epidemic of complaining, and social media has given us a public forum to voice all of it…over and over and over. Twitter rants is an actual term for it.

But I want to be a part of the solution, not contribute to the problem. The next time you’re tempted to start a status on social media with a complaint, re-read it before hitting “post.” Then make the good decision to just delete it all. Then start typing in a status full of gratitude, or thankfulness, or report of a kindness done for you by someone else. Make a commitment to go one whole day without complaining about anything. One day at a time. Let’s do it together. Let’s join our voices in praise, not pettiness.

Stop the epidemic.

Going Through the Motions

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Today has been a glorious day! After what has seemed like a never ending winter, spring appears to be in sight. With temps in the 40s and 50s, it was wonderful to be able to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. Even with melting snow and slush covering sidewalks and streets, I couldn’t wait to get on a trail and get out for a run. While doing a few walking/running intervals I realized I had a perfect analogy for today’s “giving up for Lent” blog.

Sometimes I get in a routine and don’t really pay attention to what is going on around me. I’m going through the motions but not truly investing myself in the experience. It’s like running on a treadmill versus running outside on a trail. The treadmill gets the job done – you’re doing what you need to do – but it gets boring. Unless you’re moving the treadmill every morning, you’re looking at the same wall each time. Maybe you have a fancy one and you can program it for hills and valleys. Maybe you can watch TV or read a book while you’re running. I don’t think it matters. You aren’t fully invested in the total experience that running can give you.

No matter how many bells and whistles, your treadmill cannot give you what a good outdoor run can. You cannot imitate the sounds of the cardinals in the trees, the sight of deer and bunnies along the trail, the apprehension each time you jump over puddles, the smiles you give and receive to fellow runners or dog walkers. There’s no way to duplicate the sunshine reflecting off the melting snow or the feeling of damp, cold air on your face.

Let’s shake off the winter doldrums and become fully invested in spring. No more going through the motions of living. Instead, decide to be fully present in the moment.

Give the people near you your complete attention.

Listen to their stories.

Laugh at their jokes.

Smile at each person you encounter today.

Notice things.

Study something new.

Observe nature.

Take an adventure.

Discover treasures.

Live big!

Embracing Extravagance

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Day 17 – Dropping my Poverty Mindset
Let me give warning right up front. This blog is not an expert’s advice on how to get rich, get out of debt or win the lottery. This is just a few thoughts I’ve had recently about how much I allow my mind to be consumed with money, especially the lack of it. And what I intend to do about it.

Let it be said that no one says, “I have enough money. Stop giving me anymore.” Well, maybe someone somewhere, but no one I know personally. In fact, most of us could use a little more every once in a while. We all have bills, some planned for like mortgages, car payments and school loans. Others are bombarded with emergencies like car repairs, doctors’ bills and “Yikes! I owe the IRS?” But there are actually some people who need money but don’t fret about it. And that’s where I want to be.

I have a poverty mindset. It manifests itself in worry, anxiety, stress, anger, bitterness, depression, envy and greed. It also takes away my joy, my happiness and my spontaneity. The words “No! We can’t afford that!” flow from my lips a lot. That attitude then spreads like a cancer into my kids, my husband, my friends…whomever has to listen to it, over and over and over.

Maybe you can relate? Ask yourself a few telling questions.
• Do you justify your lack of funds and make excuses?
• Do you complain about paying taxes on an unexpected bonus or reward?
• When something is free, do you grab as much as possible, even if you don’t need it?
• Is the concept of working for free crazy to you?
• Do you promise God you’ll tithe when you can afford it?
• Are you jealous when others are blessed with money or physical things?
• Do you go to bed most nights worrying about money?
I have to admit – I’ve had to answer “yes” to a couple of those things.

I have found it’s all about attitude and obedience. I tithe. Not because it’s some formula for getting rich but because God says I should. If I can’t be obedient in the little things, how will I ever handle the really big stuff?

I’m learning again to trust God (BTW – this lesson is never one you learn and move on…its presented over and over and over again). He is my source…not my employer, not my husband, not the government. With God there will always be more than enough. The only lack with room in my life is lack of worry, lack of stress, lack of anxiety.

I’m going for extravagance. Extravagant love…extravagant giving…extravagant grace…extravagant trust…extravagant obedience.

Keep Climbing

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Day 16 – Giving Up Mediocrity

There are days when I feel like I’m done. I’m tired and I can’t see anything in front of me except the same old, same old. Routine has become normal. Day in and day out – not much changes and I’ve become satisified with an average effort. Mediocrity has become my friend. But in the course of this 40-day blogging adventure I’ve embarked upon, I have come face to face with my attitude and it stinks. Mediocrity is not my friend. It is a mud-sucking sludge I’ve allowed to keep me from reaching my destiny.

There is nothing mediocre about God. He’s all-seeing, all-knowing, all-loving. He doesn’t stop doing anything halfway. And He doesn’t appreciate mediocrity. He’s all or nothing, hot or cold, in or out. And remember what He said about being lukewarm? (In a letter to the church of Laodicea, God says in Rev. 3:16 – “I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit.”) He’s even passionate about us being lukewarm.

Mediocrity is a level plateau on the side of your mountain of destiny. Now is not the time to lay down and take a nap. Don’t be satisfied just going halfway up…aim for the apex, the best you can give, the excellence you were built for.

Yes, it’s hard…nothing worth doing well is easy.
Yes, it’s going to take work, creativity, bravery, perseverance and guts. But don’t settle – don’t give in to an average effort. Push through mediocrity to excellence.

The view from the top is worth it.

The Place for Hatred

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The word “hate” conjures up so many images. Just saying the word makes me think of anger and darkness. I can almost smell the fumes of brimstone and ash. Hatred is a very strong word. And we throw it around so carelessly.

“I hate lima beans.”

“I hate that reality show.”

“I hate her dress.”

“I hate my life.”

After some pondering and Scripture-searching, I’ve decided there are two sides to hatred. We need to stop using it nonchalantly. There is no place for the word “hate” when we are referring to a person. God calls us to love each other, even to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48 Read it in the Message – powerful stuff). Though the Psalms are rife with references to “hating our enemies,” the New Testament arrival of Jesus puts into perspective how much God loves all of us, no matter our political party affiliation, religion, or sexual orientation. I’m not where I need to be yet – but I’m facing the right direction. I desire to choose love over hate, every time.

But there is a place for hatred. We need to hate how we treat each other. We need to hate how we treat ourselves. We need to hate sin, all sin, the way God does. And sin means more than just what you don’t like.

Paul gives a great list of behavior and attitudes we should hate: “It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.” (Galatians 5:19-21 The Message)

So hate what deserves your hatred…and then choose to love.

Ordinary Life Extraordinary Destiny

To know Christ and to make Him known

Author Archives: Kris McGarvey

About Kris McGarvey

You is smart. You is kind. You is important.

The Never Ending Pursuit of Happiness

Giving Up on Giving Up

It’s Green So It Must be Good, Right?

Do You Want Some Cheese With That Whine?

Going Through the Motions

Embracing Extravagance

Keep Climbing

The Place for Hatred